Weekly SmackDown Review: March 19, 2010

* Rey Mysterio makes his way to the ring. He says he’s been reliving what happened between CM Punk and his family last week. He crossed a line that should never be crossed. He accepts Punk’s challenge for a match at WrestleMania, but it won’t be just any kind of match. He wants it to be a street fight. Out comes CM Punk and The Straight Edge Society. Punk calls him a coward again. Rey says Punk is less than human, he’s a monster. Punk says if Rey touches him at any point until WrestleMania, the match is off. He sees potential in Rey, and then displays some pictures of what happened last year. He says Rey’s family believes he’s a superhero that can make the monster go away, but they were proven wrong last week. He wants Rey to accept him as his savior. Rey says if Punk doesn’t accept his challenge, he’s going to have to fight him every day for the rest of his life. Punk has a proposition. If Rey can beat Luke Gallows tonight, the street fight is on. However, if Rey loses tonight and at WrestleMania, he will have to join the Straight Edge Society. Rey accepts, and promises to give Punk the beating of a lifetime at Mania.
Quick take: Good stuff. I almost feel wrong watching this, but I think that’s a good thing. Any time you involve someone’s family, it goes to a whole new level. I can’t wait for this match.

* Jack Swagger and Dolph Ziggler d. MVP and Matt Hardy pinfall
- Ziggler pins MVP after a Zig Zag.
- After the match, Ziggler pulls out a ladder from underneath the ring. He climbs it, and grabs the fake briefcase that has been hanging over the ring for the past few weeks.
Quick take: Meh. Gotta push MITB, and this method is as good as any. That’s as close as Dolph will get to winning, I assure you.

* GM Teddy Long is backstage with Intercontinental Champion Drew McIntyre. He sarcastically congratulates Drew on his win last week. He’s still undefeated…until tonight. Long has a match for him tonight. Thinking about streaks got him thinking. Drew will be in a non-title match tonight against The Undertaker.
Quick take: I need more T. Lo.

* Beth Phoenix and Tiffany d. Women’s Champion Michelle McCool and Layla by pinfall
- Beth pins Michelle after a Glam Slam.
- After the match, Vickie Guerrero comes out. She tells Tiffany to leave, and says Beth owes her an apology. Beth says she already apologized backstage, but Vickie demands a public one. Beth apologizes, but Vickie says it’s an unacceptable one. She says she will make Beth regret that she ever laid hands on her. She puts Beth in a match next week. Her opponent will be Vickie.
Quick take: Dear Beth Phoenix, I am in love with you. I’m glad she’s getting a push.

* The Cutting Edge with special guest World Heavyweight Champion Chris Jericho
- Edge reminds us of what happened last week, and says he thought he’d return the favor. Jericho comes out with his NXT rookie, Wade Barrett. Jericho got him last Friday, but Edge got him back this Monday. Edge has planned ahead, and already knows how their Mania match is going to end. Jericho says it’s a mistake to boil down their match to one move. There are many other factors. He wonders if Edge can live up to everyone’s expectations, and if he’s fully healed. Jericho says if he tears Edge’s Achilles for a second time, his career is over. Edge says there’s a good chance that’s all true, but no one knows. The only way to find out is for Jericho to make his move. He dares him to do it. Jericho declines, and Edge punches him. Barrett attacks Edge, and the double team is on. Edge fights out of it, tossing Jericho out of the ring. He Spears Barrett. He turns around, and Jericho hits him with a Codebreaker. Jericho stomps on Edge’s injured ankle and foot.
Quick take: An excellent segment turned in by these two. I like that Edge is unsure if he’s healed, but doesn’t care because he wants to beat Jericho that badly. This has all been good.

* John Morrison and R-Truth d. The Hart Dynasty (with Natalya) by pinfall
- Truth pins Kidd after a Lie Detector.
Quick take: Poor Hart Dynasty. Natalya is still a stone cold fox at least.

* Luke Gallows (with The Straight Edge Society) d. Rey Mysterio by pinfall
- Serena knocks Rey off the top rope on a springboard attempt behind the ref’s back. It’s enough for Gallows to pick up the cheap win.
- After the match, Rey attacks Gallows, beating him up on the outside. Punk and Serena just watch as Rey demolishes Luke.
Quick take: What a terrific little match we got. The crowd was hot. Gallows would do fine on his own, and this showed it. Good stuff. Sad the Mania match has no stipulation, but hey, save it for Extreme Rules, I guess.

* The Undertaker d. Intercontinental Champion Drew McIntyre by pinfall in a non-title match
- Taker wins with the Tombstone Piledriver.
- After the match, Shawn Michaels attacks Taker on his way up the ramp. He goes for Sweet Chin Music, but Taker ducks it. Taker goes for the Tombstone, but HBK wriggles out. He then connects with Sweet Chin Music.
Quick take: Drew? FUKKEN BURIED. Match aftermatch? FUKKEN AWESOME. HBK! HBK! HBK!

Not a bad show. Went by pretty quickly. 2 shows till Mania (I don’t count NXT or SS on the “timeline” as they have no impact on any Mania storylines unless Bryan finally snaps and shoots Miz in the face)

Bottom line: 7.25/10

Cliff’s Weekly SmackDown Review: March 5, 2010

We were all set for Web to do the SmackDown review this week, but he got held up at work because “no” is not in his vocabulary unless the question is, “Do you want to go home early?” Have no fear. Cliff and his special guest to the rescue again.

* Edge makes his way to the ring. He is concerned about his WrestleMania opponent. Jericho keeps saying that he’s the best, and will win, but he keeps getting Speared. The same thing will keep happening. Out comes Unified WWE Tag Team Champion Big Show. They have a match tonight. Show says he is going to beat Edge, and Edge asks if he’s going to eat him. Edge fakes a Spear, and Show flinches. Show runs at Edge, but Edge ducks and Show goes sailing out of the ring.
Quick take: So good to have face Edge back. I have always found him funny, and now he’s getting the chance to show it. I guess I like that Show has his tag partner’s back. I prefer Miz, but you can’t do that two weeks in a row.
Second opinion: Hi, Edge! While bad breath jokes aren’t always funny, I thought this was. Just childish enough to work. I’d chant “Spear” if asked.

* GM Teddy Long is backstage with Intercontinental Champion Drew McIntyre. McIntyre asks Long to set the record straight about last week. Apparently, Vince McMahon has ordered Drew’s loss from last week expunged from the record. Therefore, Drew is still undefeated. Tonight, McIntyre has another MITB qualifier against Matt Hardy.
Quick take: I hate when they do that. We all saw you lost. Sigh. Can’t have Drew lose again, can you? Not unless you have another solid program for him.
Second opinion: Can you do that? Sports teams should do that. I would call for do overs on a lot of things. By the way, baby oil much?

* Matt Hardy (with Justin Gabriel) d. Intercontinental Champion Drew McIntyre by pinfall in a non-title match to qualify for Money in the Bank at WrestleMania 26
- Hardy wins with a rollup.
Quick take: I am in utter shock. Are you kidding me? Really? Drew has lost to two dudes who I didn’t even think would get Mania slots. Yikes. I have to assume he’ll be defending his IC title in some capacity. At least, I hope so. As for the match? Ehhh.
Second opinion: That match was kinda boring. I thought the point of getting rid of the loss was to have him win. Fooled me. Didn’t think I could be caught by surprise.

* John Morrison and Slam Master J are backstage checking out Morrison’s DVD. R-Truth comes in with David Otunga. Truth asks Otunga if they’re good now, and turns to Morrison. They’re annoyed Dolph Ziggler jacked their Mania spot. Right now, neither of them are going. Tonight, they’ll be in a match to earn a tag team title match.
Quick take: See, this kind of team could work. I think Morrison’s more suited for singles, but he keeps seeming to end up here. Why fight it? Now, will this be a Mania match?
Second opinion: Morrison’s really cute. Couldn’t get over it. A match with that rapping guy or something?

* Shelton Benjamin d. Dolph Ziggler by pinfall
- Benjamin wins with a botched Paydirt.
Quick take: I don’t remember the last time Dolph looked this good. Probably not since his feud with Rey or Morrison. Going to Mania obviously lit a fire under him as it should. Good. I’m all for new stars proving they belong, and Ziggler is showing me something. Botched the ending, though. It’s not a neckbreaker, Dolph.
Second opinion: Ziggler cracks me up. Who wears their hair like that? This match was actually fun to watch. The two of them are pretty quick, and did a lot of stuff I’ve never seen. Not that that’s saying a whole lot, but still.

* Ezekiel Jackson d. Jimmy Wang Yang by pinfall
- Zeke wins with a uranage slam.
Quick take: No ECW belt. Not even once. What a waste. Didn’t even mention it on commentary. I don’t always like squashes, but Yang made Zeke look like an absolute monster. Very cool.
Second opinion: Hey, an Asian guy! That big black dude is beyond freakish. I can’t imagine how much gym time you’d need. Cliff said “monster” and that seems accurate. Insane.

* Rey Mysterio is backstage with his daughter and Tiffany. He’s gotta go face Luke Gallows, but first gets a blessing.
Quick take: Adorable. And it looks like Tiffany is the new Maria. SIGH.
Second opinion: Aw! I’d like to see more of them being normal like that. How cute.

* Rey Mysterio d. Luke Gallows (with The Straight Edge Society) by pinfall
- Before the match, CM Punk gets on the mic. He says Rey’s popularity is due to the fact that parents cannot be proper role models for their children. They think Rey is a superhero, but that is far from the truth. They are all cowards like Rey Mysterio. Rey is scared of him, and is avoiding him. He has stripped him of his right to go to WrestleMania. He forgives Luke. He wants Luke to make Rey answer and pay for his actions.
- Mysterio wins by reversing a powerbomb into a pin.
- After the match, Punk tries to attack Rey, but he fails. Rey gets away.
Quick take: Another killer promo from Punk. He delivers every time. I like the slow build for Punk and Rey. It’s different every week, so it doesn’t get old. Do I look forward to their eventual big match? Hell yes. As for the one we just saw, it is obvious Luke is quite a talent. This is a good stable. Great match.
Second opinion: I see what they’re doing now. This Punk is like the crazy dude who lectures from a street corner. It is pretty obvious Punk and Rey will fight at some point down the line. Maybe WrestleMania? They’re both free, right? Like Cliff says, “Book it!” This match was pretty good, too. Very even.

* Big Show is backstage with World Heavyweight Champion Chris Jericho. Jericho butters him up before telling Show to destroy Edge. He owes it to him. Show says he’s not doing anything for Jericho.
Quick take: Poor Jericho.
Second opinion: Like an old married couple.

* Raw Rebound: HBK-Taker II, Triple H-Sheamus I

* John Morrison and R-Truth d. The Hart Dynasty (with Natalya) and Cryme Tyme in a triple threat match to qualify for a Unified WWE Tag Team Championship match at WrestleMania 26
- Truth pins Kidd after the Lie Detector.
Quick take: Knew the Harts wouldn’t win as you wouldn’t do 2 heel teams facing each other. Cryme Tyme has fizzled. It left one, and the most obvious option. Sigh. Took all the suspense out of the match for me. I wonder if this will be the dark match like it was last year. I hope not Miz and Morrison at the very least have at least earned an undercard spot. Come on now.
Second opinion: I had Morrison all the way. Happy when he won. Cliff told me it would be a big deal if the tag titles were defended on the big show because it hasn’t happened in a few years. Why is that?

* Vickie Guerrero is backstage with Women’s Champion Michelle McCool and Layla. They’re all gloating about how they beat Mickie James last week. Michelle and Layla also suck up to Vickie. They got her a gift, her own Simply Flawless shirt. Up comes Beth Phoenix. Michelle and Layla leave. beth asks when she’ll get a shot at the Women’s title. Vickie shuts her down.
Quick take: That was awful until Beth showed up. Get some, Beth. She was smoldering.
Second opinion: How freaking annoying was that? Yikes. I liked the last girl. Judging by his audible gasp, Cliff does too.

* Edge d. Unified WWE Tag Team Champion Big Show by pinfall
- Edge wins with a Spear.
- After the match, Jericho tries to attack, but Edge has a Spear waiting for him.
Quick take: Still getting used to the Edge face reaction. Show seems like a great guy. I wouldn’t mind hanging out with him. What I don’t want to do is watch him in the ring for more than 5 minutes. Sluggish match, and almost surprised by a clean win. I mean, gotta push the #1 contender for the main event, I guess. Hey, another Spear for Jericho. Thanks for coming, Chris.
Second opinion: I wonder how a guy that big gets through life, you know? There can’t be much that he can fit in whether it’s clothes, chairs, or buildings. It’s almost sad when you think about it. Anyway, Edge won. I’m happy. Match wasn’t fun or anything, but I liked the ending, and that’s all you tend to remember anyway.

Not a great show, but not bad. My only criticism is that it didn’t quite feel important enough. Just sort of happened. I hate that. Not that I need mega happenings each week, but this didn’t advance things as far as I’d like.

Bottom line: 7.5/10
How does Cliff do this four times every week? I don’t honestly know if I have any more of these in me. I wouldn’t say it’s a chore, but it’s an awful lot week in and week out. I don’t know whether to be astonished, critical, or worried. Probably all three.

Cliff’s Weekly SmackDown Review: February 26, 2010

Web should be back in action next week.

* Tony Chimel introduces World Heavyweight Champion Chris Jericho. After months of fighting to make his way, he has finally returned to the top of the business. Edge ruined his celebration on Raw. Out comes Edge. Edge congratulates Jericho on winning, but goes on to say that he really enjoys giving Jericho a Spear. He thinks he’s starting to get into Jericho’s head. He wants Jericho at his best at WrestleMania. Jericho says Edge will never Spear him again. He punches Edge, but misses a Codebreaker. Spear by Edge.
Quick take: That was fun. Edge and Jericho in the same ring is magic. The act is getting a little repetitive, so I hope Jericho begins to gain some sort of footing. Otherwise, they’ll lose some serious momentum.

* Dolph Ziggler d. John Morrison and R-Truth (with David Otunga) in a triple threat match to qualify for Money in the Bank at WrestleMania 26
- Ziggler pins Truth after Morrison hits Starship Pain. He pulls Morrison off of the pin, and out of the ring to steal it.
Quick take: Morrison was my pick to win MITB this year. What the fuck just happened? Ziggler? ZIGGLER? Seriously? I mean, I like him, but wow. Of the 3 in this match, I thought he was least likely to qualify. What the hell will Truth and Morrison do at Mania instead? One could argue they’re both worthier than Dolph. I’m still kind of in shock over the whole deal. The match itself was decent. I figured the 3 of them would pull out some cool spots, but they didn’t do anything mindblowing.

* HBK v Taker II video package

* Michelle McCool (with Layla) d. Mickie James by pinfall to become the NEW Women’s Champion
- Vickie Guerrero served as special referee.
- Mickie has Michelle in a rollup, but Vickie slaps her across the face. This allows Michelle to hit her with a superkick to pick up the win.
Quick take: Argh. This whole situation is annoying. Is this storyline going to stretch until WrestleMania? I see no need to do yet another title change like this. What’s so special about Michelle anyway? Yes, she’s better than probably 3/4 of the women’s talent, but come on. This is ridiculous. I guess if it paves the way for Beth Phoenix, I can get behind it.

* Kane d. Intercontinental Champion Drew McIntyre by pinfall in a non-title match to qualify for Money in the Bank at WrestleMania 26
- Before the match, Drew reminds us that he’s undefeated. No one has beaten him, not even Kane. After he wins tonight, he’ll go on to win Money in the Bank, and will cash in that same night to fulfill the prophecy.
- Kane wins when McIntyre goes for a rollup, but reverses it with a kick to the head.
Quick take: Another dubious booking decision. This is how we end McIntyre’s streak? Really? What an unceremonious end, and to KANE of all people. Terrible, in my opinion. Granted, I like that this allows the IC title to be defended at Mania, but at least have Drew DQ himself or something. I am annoyed. Not much of a match, either.

* Unified WWE Tag Team Champion and United States Champion The Miz makes his way to the ring. He can’t believe he doesn’t have a match at WrestleMania, and demands Teddy Long find him a suitable tag team opponent for the show. He wants to have his moment because he’s The Miz, and he’s awesome. Out comes T Lo. Long says if Big Show was here tonight, they’d have their title match tonight. Since Miz is here, though, Long elects to put him in singles action. His opponent is Edge.
Quick take: Miz didn’t get enough promo time. I like that he’s getting built, though. Finally, a new star is ready to take the next step. Edge v Miz? That’s…awesome.

* Shelton Benjamin d. CM Punk (with The Straight Edge Society) by pinfall to qualify for Money in the Bank at WrestleMania 26 
- Shelton beats Punk with a Paydirt after Punk is distracted momentarily by an interfering Rey Mysterio. Mysterio attacked Gallows on the outside.
Quick take: Glad Shelton has landed on SmackDown. At least someone from ECW did. Going in, you had to think MITB would look very different without one of these two guys. They’re always in it. I wanted this to be a good matchup, and was glad it got some time. Finally, Punk gets to move on from being MITB. This, more than anything, is a sign he’s come into his own in WWE. I think he’ll actually be in a singles match. I’m thrilled for the prospect of this, actually. Punk v Mysterio anyone?

* Raw Rebound: Cena and Batista be playin’ the feud

* Edge d. Unified WWE Tag Team Champion and United States Champion The Miz by pinfall in a non-title match
- Edge wins with a Spear.
Quick take: I thought this had potential to be fun to watch. Always nice to see Edge back, and Miz has quickly become a force in WWE. He’s even main eventing SmackDown now. Wow. I feel like the pacing of matches in WWE has picked up lately. Everyone’s pushing to get through Mania. I like it. Makes it easier to watch. Decent match. Nothing spectacular, but I liked the matchup. Great to see Edge hit a load up Spear. It’s been far too long.

I like that it looks like not much happened, but a lot actually did. Matches instead of filler. What a concept.

Bottom line: 7.75/10. I didn’t like all the booking decisions, but it was still a solid show.

Weekly SmackDown Review: November 20, 2009

I may not be their biggest fans, but even I have to sit back and admit that that’s pretty f’in cool

Results:

* Batista d. Matt Hardy by pinfall
- Batista finishes Matt with 3 spinebusters and a Batista Bomb.
Quick take: Matt just keeps getting his shit wrecked. I feel bad for him.

* Josh Matthews catches up with Batista backstage. He asks about last week. Batista says Rey Mysterio has made 3 major mistakes. He cost him the title, signed a hold harmless agreement, and embarrassed him. That won’t happen again.
Quick take: Sigh.

* GM Teddy Long is backstage. Vickie Guerrero and Eric Escobar come up to him, and Vickie says Long has done a bad thing by reuniting Kane and The Undertaker. Vickie says he’s in over his head. Long says he doesn’t need her advice, and asks them to leave. In comes Vince McMahon. McMahon says teaming up the Brothers of Destruction was a bad decision. He names Vickie a consultant for SmackDown.
Quick take: SIGH.

* Drew McIntyre d. Finlay by pinfall
- Before the match, McIntyre calls Finlay a little old lady, and claims Finlay is scared of him.
- McIntyre beats Finlay with an eye gouge and a Double Arm DDT.
Quick take: SIIIIIIIGH.

* CM Punk makes his way to the ring. In the ring, there’s a table set up with 3 upturned buckets with X’s on them. There’s also a garbage can. This will be a straightedge intervention. Under bucket number one is a carton of cigarettes. Under bucket number two is a bottle of prescription medication. Of course, bucket number three is alcohol. He pours everything into the garbage can. Out comes R-Truth. He spouts some truths at Punk, and says everyone needs to make their own decisions in life. He DDTs Punk. He pours the can all over Punk.
Quick take: Finally, things pick up. Having K-Kwik do that to Punk seems kinda like a heel thing to do, doesn’t it? I thought it was a dick move, but then again, I hate Kwik and like Punk, so there you go.

* John Morrison d. Dolph Ziggler in a 2 out of 3 falls match, 2-1, to retain the Intercontinental Championship
- 1st fall: Morrison catches Ziggler in a cradle.
- 2nd fall: Ziggler pins Morrison after a Zig Zag.
- 3rd fall: Morrison pins Ziggler after Starship Pain.
Quick take: Way too short. What was the hurry?

* Mickie James d. Layla by pinfall
- Mickie wins with a bridging pin.
- After the match, Layla grabs a mic, and says she has something to show Mickie. It’s a music video of sorts starring Michelle McCool. She keeps calling her “Piggie” James, and sings a song kinda like “Old MacDonald,” making fun of Mickie.
Quick take: You can cry on my shoulder anytime, Mickie.

* Tyson Kidd (with Natalya) d. Rey Mysterio by disqualification
- Batista was a guest commentator for the match.
- Batista interfered, and hit Tyson, causing a DQ.
Quick take: Tyson didn’t look like he didn’t belong, and for that I am thankful. Rey has always done his best to elevate others, which is why he’s so great.

* JeriShow is backstage. Jericho wants to make sure they’re on the same page. Show says his mind’s on Survivor Series, and says Jericho sounds like he’s scared. Show leaves, and flickers the lights. Jericho flips out, and Show has made his point.
Quick take: Big Show owned this segment. No small feat.

* Unified WWE Tag Team Champions vs World Heavyweight Champion The Undertaker and Kane ends in a double countout
- Show takes out Kane with a KO Punch, and Taker with a Chokeslam. Jericho then hits the Codebreaker on Show, grabs the World title belt, and walks off.
Quick take: Not bad. Still can’t take Kane seriously. I hope Jericho wins Sunday, I really do. You have no idea.

Extended thoughts:

Batista v Hardy
- Big fan of heel Batista. No taunting, no nothing. Love it.
- Why is there a “Hi Batman” sign?
- WWE fans are so easy. Booing Batista, cheering Matt. 4 months ago, the reactions were inverse.
- I expect Matt to lose, and to lose convincingly right here.
- Obvious editing in this match early on. Always so jarring.
- It always amuses me when someone uses their ass as a weapon.
- Terrible DDT. Gotta sell better than that, Batista.
- How much is Matt gonna have to take right here?
- Poor Matthew. You’re a jobber, plain and simple.

Interview
- Eh oh!
- No Mercy? That’s not a PPV anymore, Dave.

Vickie
- I wonder why Vickie came back.
- Escobar is sucking, and he’s not even doing anything.
- Ah, Vinnie Mac. YES
- Oh no. More Vickie? Good lord. We’re in for it now.

McIntyre v Finlay
- Again with these two? Really? Ugh.
- I don’t care about either of these guys at this moment.
- I want to see both of them lose. And that’s not even possible.
- Finlay’s still smiling? Why?
- How did Finlay make that noise on a double leg takedown? I’m confused.
- Eye gouge!
- Wow, really? We’re done here? Cool beans.
- That was quick. I’m kinda shocked.

Straightedge intervention
- Punk promo. Good times for all.
- Punk’s got one hell of a beard working there. Maybe I’ll hold on to mine after all.
- Where will they take Punk from here?
- I will absolutely put my hand on the TV screen.
- The boos are some form of denial.
- Hey! The old guy!
- Teach us to survive. I need a lesson.
- What brand are those sticks?
- Caution: May Cause a Slow and Painful Death. Hahahhaha.
- They are poison. Smoking habitually is the only habit I can’t get behind.
- Damn, there were a lot of cigs in there.
- Failure in a bottle. Is that the same as a failure pile?
- Wonder what kind of placebos those were. Or maybe just some Tylenol.
- The crowd loves them some alcohol.
- And boy do they want him to drink it. Auto face turn right there.
- Jeez. Everything is poison to this guy.
- Now that’s a waste of whiskey.
- The crowd goes, “NOOOOOOOOOOOO!”
- Must be a strong smell in that ring.
- R-Truth? Really? Why are we continuing with this guy?
- NO! NO! NO! NO!
- NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
- Oh, fuck you R-Truth.
- Punk absolutely moved in the way of that. Truth was pouring it on his abdomen, and Punk squirmed so that his head fell underneath the “waterfall.” Disgusting.

Morrison v Ziggler
- This oughta be pretty good. They have a decent chemistry with each other.
- There’s no way this doesn’t go for all 3. Doesn’t go two straight unless there’s an injury. The only exception I can think of is Foley v Flair at Vengeance 2006.
- Springboard flipping clothesline looked PAINFUL.
- Early Starship Pain?
- Knees up, son. Yowch.
- That was kinda random.
- Quick fall. Boo.
- Heel in control after the commercial break alert!
- Striker just told Ziggler to cheat. Money.
- Zig Zag! Good God. That was also very fast.
- “GET UP, COWARD!” Ziggler’s kind of showing a douchey streak. I like it.
- Ziggler’s “ASK” kinda soundled like he was saying, “ASS!”
- Damn! What a gutbuster!
- I don’t know the last time I saw a kickout into a pin.
- X Factor!
- That was way too short for my tastes. Oh well.

Mickie v Layla
- Yay! Mickie!
- Michelle’s a bitch. I know this going in.
- Jesus, Layla’s hot. Wow.
- Mickie can hit me with a Thesz Press anytime.
- Go Mickie! Another quick one. What are we saving time for?
- Not cool. Not cool.
- Mickie’s so pretty! Leave her alone!
- Making herself cry on command is pretty impressive.

Kidd v Mysterio
- Where’s DH Smith?
- Kidd v Mysterio could be something great. I know this won’t be, but it could if it mattered.
- Batista doing the stoneface thing again. Riveting.
- Stop trying to talk to him, guys. He ain’t gonna bite.
- Aw. Another waste.
- Oh shit! Mysterio went for it, and hit it! Damn!
- Eat it, Batista. Again. Wow.

JeriShow
- That was hilarious. Big Show’s understatedness was awesome.

JeriShow v BoD
- Neat entrance for the BoD. I like it.
- That’s intimidating right there. Even if it is half Kane.
- Naturally, Jericho is getting his ass kicked.
- Where would Kane be without Taker? Nowhere, right?
- Show and Taker faceoff is not as epic as they’d like.
- Show didn’t break up the pin. Hmmm.
- Someone needs to debut that is legitimately not afraid of Taker. I’d just like to see it.
- Never taunt near Taker. Never ends well.
- Jericho never hits the Lionsault anymore.
- I love when Jericho berates the commentating team.
- Kane has no agility. Calm down, Striker.
- No one does the running boot better than Taker.
- Striker is going NUTS.
- We all brawlin’ on the outside. This is gonna be a double countout, isn’t it?
- Or not. I can’t tell if we were counting or not.
- GO, JERICHO,  GO!

Bottom line: 7.5/10. The good far outweighed the bad. Gabe Sapolsky can shut his jealous ass up.

WWE Tonight

Friday Night SmackDown 8PM EST myNetworkTV

It’s after midnight where I am, this counts.

* Unified WWE Tag Team Champions JeriShow vs World Heavyweight Champion The Undertaker and Kane (Brothers of Destruction) in a non-title match

What an awkward shot of Kane. Those are very obviously not his arms crossed in front of him. How odd.

* 2 out of 3 falls for the  Intercontinental Championship: John Morrison (c) vs Dolph Ziggler

Weekly SmackDown Review: November 13, 2009

Jericho calls Taker a hypocrite to add insult to injury

Results:

* CM Punk d. R-Truth by pinfall
- Before the match, Punk cuts a promo. The United Kingdom used to rule half the planet, and they’ve fallen so far, tucked away in pubs. We need someone as preachy as him to preach the proper way to live, and we should aspire to be as great as him. He is the choice of a new generation. He is CM Punk. Truth also cuts a promo, and he has a complaint against Punk. Punk has been impersonating a man. He’s going to put this punk in his place.
- Punk reverses a sunset flip, and grabs the ropes on a pin attempt unbeknownst to the official.
quick take: Ended up being a decent match, and Punk lit it up on the mic to boot.

* Mickie James is backstage. Layla comes up, and tells her to leave.

* Natalya d. Mickie James by submission
- During the match, Michelle McCool and Layla come down the ring. They have some of Mickie’s clothes, and begin to cut them. Natalya gets the opening, and puts Mickie in the Sharpshooter. Mickie taps.
Quick take: Natalya wrestled. I’m satisfied.

* Josh Matthews is backstage with Intercontinental Champion Josh Matthews. How does Morrison feel heading into his match with Dolph Ziggler? He doesn’t think Dolph can handle the pressure.

* Drew McIntyre vs Finlay ends in a double disqualification
- Before the match, McIntyre grabs the mic. He hasn’t let Finlay in the ring because Finlay’s not worthy to wrestle him.
- The ref calls for the bell when neither Superstar responds to his rules.
- After the match, McIntyre hits Finlay with the shillelagh. Not satisfied, he hits Finlay again.
Quick take: I don’t see it yet with McIntyre, but he might get there.

* Matt Striker is in the ring for the contract signing between Rey Mysterio and Batista. Batista has something else for Rey to sign. It’s a “Hold Harmless” agreement, which means Batista can’t be held legally responsible for what happens to Rey. Rey refuses to sign. Batista threatens to embarrass him if he doesn’t sign, and Rey signs. Rey says Batista will be the one to get embarrassed at Survivor Series, and flips the table onto Batista.
Quick take: That segment went from bad to memorable really quickly. Rey has finally shown up for the feud.

* John Morrison vs Dolph Ziggler for the Intercontinental Championship ends in a double countout; Morrison retains
- Both men get on the top rope, and tumble to the outside. Neither can beat the count back in.
Quick take: Great match. Disappointed by the ending. Looking forward to 2 out of 3 falls next week.

* Beth Phoenix d. Lisa Taylor by pinfall
- Beth ends the squash with a Glam Slam.
Quick take: I can’t stress this enough: Beth’s rack looked GIGANTIC.

* Chris Jericho is backstage, getting ready. In comes Josh Matthews asking about his match with The Undertaker. We’ve all been waiting for Taker-Jericho, and tonight, we’re gonna get it.

* World Heavyweight Champion The Undertaker d. WWE Unified Tag Team Champion Chris Jericho by submssion in a non-title match
- Jericho taps to Hell’s Gate.
- After the match, Big Show comes out. JeriShow gangs up on Taker, and beat him down. Kane comes to the rescue.
Quick take: Awesome. Wish it had meant something, but still a good match.

* Mr. McMahon is backstage. He books Brothers of Destruction vs JeriShow for next week on SmackDown.

Extended thoughts:

Punk v Truth
- Love that heel reception for Punk. He has arrived. Too bad he’s gone from main event to curtain jerker in one fell swoop. What happened?
- I love how alcohol always get a pop.
- Dipping tobacco IS SERIOUSLY DISGUSTING.
- Punk rocking the beard. ME TOO!
- What is up, Punk? Straightedge? I see.
- Gawwwwwwd. I HATE R-TRUTH.
- He called him a Punk. GET IT?
- Punk turning into one of those guys who goes for the finisher early. Sigh.
- Pull your pants up, Truth.
- Truth took a nasty spill off the top rope there.
- Indian deathlock!
- A very faint “CM Punk” chant there. Died off suddenly. Almost too suddenly…
- Punk might be suited to dropping the springboard clothesline. He slips most every time he goes for it.
- We know what the “X”s mean, Striker. But do you know the origin?
- Dammit, Punk. Don’t taunt when you’ve got em up.

Mickie v Natalya
- Were we supposed to see Michelle in the background there? I guess so.
- Striker called Mickie buoyant. That made my year.
- Ah, Mickie. Big fan.
- Hey, Natalya’s gonna wrestle!
- Why didn’t Natalya get an entrance?
- See, Kelly? That’s how you execute a cartwheel in the ring.
- WHAT A DROPKICK. Damn, Mickie.
- Watch the hair! Poor Mickie.
- Jesus. The Romero Special. That’s intense stuff.
- The Mickiecanrana. I popped.
- You know Mickie has strong inner thighs.
- You can also tell Matt Striker wants to do nothing more than bang the crap out of Mickie James.
- Such bitchy tactics. Poor Mickie.

Matthews and Morrison
- Matthews stinks.
- Morrison was alright.
- He doesn’t have a powerful voice, though.
- Yay, UK references.

McIntyre v Finlay
- Finlay is the Superstar most in need of a new theme.
- Drew’s finally in a match. How about that.
- Take it to him, Finlay. About time he showed that real mean streak.
- “Drew McIntyre: Ruining Parties Since 1985”. Hahahha.
- What a stupid match.
- Seriously. Really stupid.
- Sell those shillelagh shots, Finlay. You look like you’re dying.
- Maybe they’ll replace him on the Survivor Series team.
- Perhaps Finlay is hanging up the boots. Hmm.

Contract signing
- I hate contract signing segments. They’re so forced.
- Beer Money sign! Beer Money sign!
- Real classic segment here so far. A lot going on.
- This is SO BORING. SmackDown used to not do this stuff.
- There, they signed it. Let’s move on.
- Alright, this picked up a little bit.
- “Goofy little mask?” GOOFY? That’s no insult.
- THERE WE GO. FINALLY REY SHOWS SOME COJONES.
- I was shitting on this segment, now I love it. Go figure, right?

Morrison v Ziggler
- Good opening series of moves.
- Ziggler has been really impressing me lately. Does he have it? I don’t know, but it looks promising.
- Bridge that shit, Dolph. GET IT.
- Wow. Morrison bounced in the corner. That looked bad.
- Jeff took some spills like that once upon a time.
- Ziggler pulling out Steiner’s “HUH?” routine. Nice.
- X FACTOR! BAM!
- Pele Kick!
- So the ref catches Dolph cheating? Riiiight.
- They’re both on the top rope. This means dooooom.
- OH SHIT. They’re both down! Yikes.
- I smell a double countout a-comin’.
- Yup. Sigh.
- All these bullshit endings lately. What’s going on?

Phoenix v local
- Another Beth squash! Yay!
- Holy shit. Her boobs look GIGANTIC in that top. I APPROVE.
- Does Beth really need to be built this way?
- Tree of woe neckbreaker! Damn!

Jericho v Taker
- Jericho is the best. Pure and simple.
- Here we go!
- Why are they just giving this away like this? This is ‘Mania worthy, in my opinion.
- Naturally, Jericho getting his ass kicked in the early going. I expected nothing less.
- Taker is slowly regaining his old form in the ring. Good. Creaky Taker was upsetting for me.
- OLD SKEWL.
- Jericho with the counter. Neato! I just said neato!
- Heel in control after the commercial break alert!
- At least this wasn’t a squash match.
- I’m bored, yet entertained. This has been slow, but both these guys are keeping me in it somehow. It’s an odd feeling.
- Who the hell is Jedward? Why are they so many signs for him?
- LAST RIDE. CODEBREAKER! HNFHJNLGEDjgld
- COVER! COVER!
- Dammit, Chris. You took too long.
- OH SHIT. Steal that taunt, yo.
- Oh, Chris. Tsk.
- Landed high on that Lionsault. Yikes.
- HE SAT UP. I still mark for it.
- WOW. He reversed a Chokeslam, too!
- THE WALLS! THE WALLS!
- Hell’s Gate. Sayonara, Jericho. Yup.
- Like I said, not a squash. It had that going for it.
- Quite a double team submission.
- WHAAAAA? KANE? I is confused.
- JeriShow v Brothers of Destruction. Hell. Yes.

Bottom line: 8.25/10

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I’d photospam, but I’ve about used up my capacity for today. I’ll post them in the AM. For now, check out pictures that move. That makes them better somehow.

CM Punk is disappoint

Take a bow

Shillelagh to the gut

The tables have turned

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X Factor

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WWE Tonight

Friday Night SmackDown 8PM EST myNetworkTV

* Unified WWE Tag Team Champion Chris Jericho vs World Heavyweight Champion The Undertaker in a non-title match

FOR FREE!?!?!?!?!?

* Intercontinental Championship: Abs (c) vs Jaw

Weekly SmackDown Review: November 6, 2009

What’s up? Truth’s up…on Punk’s knees. What? Don’t pity me. Coming up with captions is hard. 4 times a week! It’s insane.

* World Heavyweight Champion The Undertaker makes his way to the ring. It has been an eternity since he first started wrestling in WWE. He has faced many opponents, and beaten all of them. The World Heavyweight Championship is still the holy grail. He promises to extinguish the lives of Big Show and Chris Jericho. Out comes Chris Jericho. Jericho says the WWE Universe has been waiting ten years to see him face Taker in the ring. He feels he is more of a phenom than Taker ever was. Taker’s not a deadman, just a regular man like any other Superstar. Come Survivor Series, he will become world champion for the sixth time. He’s not afraid of any man, and is certainly not afraid of The Undertaker. Taker wraps his hand around Jericho’s throat. Jericho fights back, but runs into a big boot.
Quick take: I was disappointed that this didn’t really lead anywhere. We didn’t see either man the rest of the show. Kind of a waste from where I sit, but at least Jericho kinda-sorta told him off.

* A replay of the Rey and Batista segment from last week

* Dolph Ziggler and The Hart Dynasty (with Natalya) d. Intercontinental Champion John Morrison and Cryme Tyme by pinfall
- Kidd and Morrison start the match off. Morrison is still selling his rib injuries from last week. Ziggler gets the upper hand on JTG, but JTG storms back. Smith interferes from the outside before tagging in. The heels begin to wear JTG down. JTG hits a desperation neckbreaker, and makes the hot tag to Morrison. Morrison hits some offense, but can’t keep the advantage due to his sore ribs. He tags in Shad. Morrison dives to the outside as Shad takes over on Smith. Ziggler hotshots Morrison on the barricade, and tags himself in, unbeknownst to Shad. He hits the Zig Zag on Shad to pick up the win for his team.
Quick take: Decent match. JTG has gotten a lot of reps as the face in peril, and it shows. We need more people for these 6 to feud against. They’ve been clashing for what seems like 6 months now.

* Josh Matthews has a sit-down interview with Rey Mysterio. It’s all about the deterioration of his friendship with Batista. Come Survivor Series, Batista will see a side of him that he’s never seen before.
Quick take: SNORE.

* Beth Phoenix d. Brittany Carter by pinfall
- Phoenix absolutely dominates the squash match. She ends it with a Glam Slam.
Quick take: Beth is awesome, and can pin me any day. Abso-fucking-lutely.

* Drew McIntyre d. Jimmy Wang Yang by pinfall
- Per the usual, McIntyre attacks before Yang can finish his entrance. He then grabs the mic, and says he needs some worthy competition. He demands the ref start the match. He hits a Double Arm DDT, and the match is over. Not satisfied, he continues to pummel Jimmy.
Quick take: SNORE.

* Josh Matthews is backstage with Batista. Matthews asked why Batista has turned his back on his friends. Batista’s in it to be world champion, not to make friends.
Quick take: Not bad, Batista. Not bad at all.

* Rey Mysterio d. Mike Knox by pinfall
- Knox overpowers Rey after the opening bell. Rey comes back, setting up an early 619, but Knox rolls out of the ring. He hits a cross body on the outside. Knox keeps abusing Rey on the outside before eventually getting back in the ring. He continues to beat Rey up, but Rey won’t stay down for a pin or submit. Rey uses his speed and ring smarts to mount a comeback. He hits a few signature moves before running right into a clothesline. He ducks a Knox charge, and sets up the 619. He follows up with a springboard splash. Match over.
Quick take: Knox has a beard, and loses a lot. What else can you say?

* Next week, we will see John Morrison defend the Intercontinental Championship against Dolph Ziggler.

* R-Truth d. CM Punk by pinfall
- Scott Armstrong was the referee once again.
- Punk keeps berating the ref instead of really wrestling. Truth and Punk lock up with Truth winning the battle, and taunting. They trade a few submission holds. Truth scores with a burst of offensive moves, but Punk brawls his way into control. Punk misses a dash attack, allowing Truth back into the match. Punk knocks Truth down with a big kick, and believes the ref slow counted him. Truth rolls him up from behind, and Armstrong does a fast count and storms out. Punk has lost.
Quick take: Where is this going? I need to know before I can sign off on it. Punk never fails to entertain me, though.

* Mickie James is backstage, and is met by Women’s Champion Michelle McCool and Layla. They keep insulting her until Mickie fires back with some insults of her own.
Quick take: Terrible. Layla and Michelle kept stepping on each other’s lines. At the end, Michelle said Mickie has “nothing to worry about.” Um, WTF?

* Josh Matthews is backstage with Matt Hardy, wondering why Matt got involved in the Batista and Rey situation. Matt says he just wanted to avoid another potential Matt and Jeff situation. Batista has changed, and he’s not sure why.
Quick take: It’s proven. Aside from one instance in 2005, the Hardys can’t cut promos.

* Matt Hardy d. Batista by disqualification
- Batista uses his strength to get the early jump, but Matt brawls his way into the match. Batista takes control with some clotheslines. He continues to destroy Matt, never letting up. Matt refuses to lose. Matt creates an opening with a neckbreaker. He ducks a clothesline, and hits a DDT. Batista mostly avoids a moonsault, but walks into a Twist of Fate. He grabs the rope, and the match isn’t over. Batista recovers, and scores with a Spinebuster. The match moves to the outside, with Batista firmly in control. He clocks Matt with a TV monitor from the announce table, and the ref disqualifies him. Not satisfied, Batista continues to punish Matt. He rolls him back in the ring, and sets up a Batista Bomb, but doesn’t do it.
Quick take: Snoozefest of a main event. I like the heel turn on Batista, but I just don’t feel the electricity yet.

Bottom line: 6.5/10. C’mon SmackDown! You were killing it months ago. What the hell happened?

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Very CM Punk heavy, but that’s just how I roll

Zig Zag

Glam Slam

Beth smolders

Armstrong and Punk: BFFs

Punk loves you

Sarcastic clapping FTW

Punk meltdown 1

Punk meltdown 2

Monitor shot

WWE Tonight

Friday Night SmackDown 8PM EST myNetworkTV

* Matt Hardy vs Batista

Weekly SmackDown Review: October 30, 2009

Don’t call Kane a germ incubator

* SmackDown GM Teddy Long makes his way to the ring. He congratulates Team SmackDown on their victory at Bragging Rights. He mentions Batista’s attack on Rey Mysterio. Later tonight, Batista and Mysterio will have a heart-to-heart to bring some light to the issues. In addition, Big Show will face The Undertaker at Survivor Series for the World Heavyweight Championship. Out comes WWE Unified Tag Team Champion Chris Jericho. Teddy says the trophy Jericho’s been carrying is the property of SmackDown. Jericho reiterates that SmackDown won because of him, and no one else. For Big Show to get a title match and not him is the worst decision Long has ever made. He should be the World Champion. Out comes Kane. Kane reminds Jericho that he was co-captain, which means he also has a right to claim he’s the best the show has to offer. Jericho reiterates that he’s the true hero, not Kane. He tells Kane to get out of the ring. Kane moves to chokeslam Jericho, but Long stops him. Long has an announcement. Since Raw has a triple threat at the pay-per-view, so will SmackDown. Tonight, it will be Kane vs Jericho with the winner qualifying for the third and final spot in the match.
Quick take: Solid opening segment. I could watch Jericho read the phone book, though.

* Dolph Ziggler d. Intercontinental Champion John Morrison by countout in a non-title match
- Before the match, Dolph Ziggler cuts a promo. He reminds everyone that Morrison actually lost his match at Bragging Rights. Morrison states that Ziggler wasn’t even on the Bragging Rights card. He makes a premature ejaculation joke.
- They trade wrestling holds at first. Dolph sends Morrison headfirst into the turnbuckle to begin taking control of the match. Ziggler hits some impressive moves, but can’t keep Morrison down. Morrison begins to mount a comeback with some clotheslines and kicks. He connects with a Flying Chuck, but Ziggler gets a foot on the ropes. Ziggler sweeps Morrison’s leg, sending Morrison to the outside. He slams Morrison on the announce table, and climbs back in the ring. He has won by countout.
Quick take: Decent little match. Ziggler and Morrison could have a memorable series before all is said and done.

* Teddy Long is backstage with Mr. McMahon and CM Punk. McMahon congratulates Long on SmackDown’s win at Bragging Rights. Punk is still annoyed with Long. Why are Big Show, Chris Jericho, and Kane getting shots at the title when Punk is still a viable contender? Punk blames Scott Armstrong’s shoddy officiating for his problems. McMahon agrees, but won’t give Punk a title shot. Instead, it will be CM Punk vs Scott Armstrong.
Quick take: Punk rocking the beard! My costume shall be a success.

* Beth Phoenix d. Jenny Brooks by pinfall
- Beth dominates from the opening bell. She punishes Brooks with a few power moves before ending the match with a Glam Slam.
Quick take: Beth as a face, perhaps? Could work.

* Matt Hardy d. Eric Escobar (with Vickie Guerrero) by pinfall
- Before the match, Vickie Guerrero, dressed as a princess, introduces her new Prince Charming, Eric Escobar.
- Matt reverses Escobar’s initial offensive attempts, but eventually lets him back in the match. Matt appears to injure his knee on a moonsault attempt, and Eric capitalizes. Out of absolutely nowhere, Matt connects with a Twist of Fate to pick up a win.
Quick take: Good. I don’t want Matt to become the Tommy Dreamer of SmackDown.

* Rey Mysterio makes his way to the ring. We all witnessed what happened between him and Batista at Bragging Rights. As much pain as was caused physically, the emotional pain is worse because he considers Batista his best friend in the world. He calls Batista out so they can discuss the situation like men, like family. Here comes Batista. Batista says Rey just doesn’t get it, and doesn’t realize how bad things are about to get. He gives Rey one opportunity to get out of his ring. Rey declines, he wants to talk things out. He asks if Batista expected him to not try to win the match. He’s willing to forgive and forget to salvage the friendship. Batista intimidates Rey, and tells him to leave again. Rey regrets his decision to be in the fatal-4-way match, but won’t leave. Batista gives him one last chance to go. Rey declines one more time. He pleads with Batista to not throw the friendship away. He brings up Eddie Guerrero, and Batista says he’s not thinking about anything but himself. He tosses his mic down, and leaves the ring leaving Rey by himself.
Quick take: Still gotta be careful with the Eddie Guerrero references. Left me a bit uneasy.

* Backstage, Matt Hardy comes up to Batista. Matt says it’s not his business, but he knows what it’s like to make a mistake when it comes to brothers and conflict. He did things to Jeff he wishes he could take back, but can’t, and just wanted to warn Batista. Batista walks off, and Matt gets on his phone. Batista comes back, and rams Matt into the wall.
Quick take: No pussing out on the heel turn. I like it.

* Drew McIntyre vs Finlay is a no contest
- Before the match, Drew says the party will be over for his next opponent, and that he didn’t really want to be on Team SmackDown in the first place.
- Drew pummels Finlay before he can even get in the ring after his entrance. The ref throws the match out.
Quick take: “The party’s over” is about as bad a catchphrase as has ever existed.

* A Divas Halloween Costume Contest hosted by Cryme Tyme. Contestants are Layla, Natalya, Mickie James, and Michelle McCool. Mickie is Elektra, Natalya is a matador, Michelle is a devil, and Layla is Michael Jackson. Each Diva does a little skit thing in the character of their costume. Mickie is declared the winner by virtue of a fan vote. All the other Divas take offense to the result, and Michelle takes Mickie out.
Quick take: Hooray for hot chicks in costume! I feel bad, though, because I feel SmackDown is the wrestling show, and they didn’t get to do that.

* CM Punk d. Scott Armstrong by pinfall
- Punk dominates the entirety of the squash match, and finishes Armstrong off with a GTS.
Quick take: All hail heel Punk. Two squash matches in one show, though? Overkill.

* Unified WWE Tag Team Champion Chris Jericho d. Kane by pinfall; as a result, Jericho qualifies to be the third member of the triple threat match for the World Heavyweight Championship at Survivor Series
- Kane gains an early advantage thanks to the power game. Jericho comes back utilizing his agility. He goes for the Walls of Jericho early, but can’t turn Kane over. Jericho finds an opening and makes the most of it to begin to take control. Kane battles out of a sleeper hold, and the momentum swings again. He hits some signature moves on Jericho, but can’t put him away. Jericho strikes with a Codebreaker, but Kane kicks out. Kane catches Jericho in a Lionsault attempt, and hits a Chokeslam, but Jericho rolls out of the ring. Jericho counters a second Chokeslam attempt, chop blocks Kane’s leg, and locks on the Walls. Kane gets to the bottom rope. Kane counters a superplex attempt, but has a flying clothesline attempt countered into a Super Codebreaker. Match over.
Quick take: Best match from Kane in a good, long while. This is how great Jericho is, he can elevate others to his level. I can’t heap enough praise on the WWE’s undisputed MVP.

Bottom line: 6.5/10. Can’t forgive two squashes and a quick no contest on the same show.

What’s on Tap for WWE Tonight

Friday Night SmackDown 8PM EST myNetworkTV

* Batista/Rey Mysterio fallout

Weekly SmackDown Review: October 23, 2009

Punk experiences the rancid stank of undead taint

* Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler are calling the show because both JR and Todd Grisham are out for various reasons.
Quick take: Get well soon, JR, and enjoy the honeymoon, Todd. COME BACK SOON. I can’t deal with these two this many times a week.

* WWE Unified Tag Team Champion Chris Jericho makes his way to the ring. He will cement his legendary status this Sunday, as the mastermind who led SmackDown to victory over Raw. In order to do that, he needs tweak his team, tune it up. He needs to make sure they’re worthy. JTG interrupts him. Shad’s sick, and isn’t at the show tonight. Jericho’s mad he has to be on the same team as Cryme Tyme. Vickie Guerrero comes out. She introduces the future of SmackDown, Eric Escobar. Escobar says that we may not know who he is now, but after he leads the team to victory, no one will wonder ever again. Out comes Dolph Ziggler. He says that he’s gonna be the one responsible for a team victory, and won’t let anyone screw it up for him. JTG reminds him that he’s lost 4 straight IC title matches, and broke up with Maria. Cue Drew McIntyre. He says that there’s no way they can lose at Bragging Rights with him on the team. He should have been named captain in the first place. Out comes the co-captain of the team, Kane. As far as he’s concerned, none of them are worthy to be fighting alongside him. Jericho chimes in in support of Kane. Kane announces a match for the other members of the team. It will be a 4-on-5 match, and if they lose, they’ll be replaced by the members of the winning team. That match is next.
Quick take: Decent, if predictable, segment. This really proved that NO ONE cared about the SD team as it was. Aside from Ziggler and the co-captains, no one else has done a damn thing.

* Matt Hardy, R-Truth, Finlay, and The Hart Dynasty (with Natalya) d. Drew McIntyre, Dolph Ziggler, JTG, and Eric Escobar (with Vickie Guerrero) by pinfall; as a result, Hardy, Truth, Finlay, Kidd, and Smith will be on Team SmackDown at Bragging Rights
- Kidd and JTG start the match off for their teams. JTG starts up on offense, and Kidd quickly tags in Finlay. Finlay begins working over JTG, who tags in Ziggler. McIntyre gets in a cheap shot on Finlay, and Ziggler goes to work. Ziggler misses a corner splash, giving Finlay a chance to come back. Escobar gets in, and wears Finlay down. The entire team goes to work on Finlay. Finlay gets a hot tag in to Hardy. He quickly gets an advantage over Ziggler. JTG tags himself in, but Smith breaks up a pin attempt as things begin to break down. Everyone goes flying out of the ring except for the two legal men. Finlay takes JTG out with a shillelagh, and Hardy finishes him off with a Twist of Fate.
Quick take: This is what had to happen, and I’m glad it did. This way, the crowd can decide for themselves which show to cheer for, and both teams seem pretty evenly matched. The end of this match led to the most awkward group hug I think I’ve ever seen. No one wanted to cross the line with Natalya.

* CM Punk is backstage, talking to referee Scott Armstrong. Armstrong wants no part of this business with The Undertaker. Teddy Long is there, too. Long reminds everyone that he’s still on probation, and says he’s also scared of Taker. Armstrong says he’s not gonna do it. In comes Mr. McMahon. McMahon says they need to talk.

* Intercontinental Champion John Morrison d. Mike Knox by pinfall in a non-title match
- Morrison gains an early advantage with his speed, but Knox overpowers him with a cross body and some power moves. Morrison mounts a comeback, but can’t keep Knox down for a 3 count. Morrison runs into a huge big boot, stalling his momentum. He avoids a Knox charge, and caps the match off with a Starship Pain.
- After the match, Morrison cuts a promo on The Miz.
Quick take: Knox is the new monster jobber. He doesn’t do a thing for me. Morrison deserves better than this, but at least he built some momentum.

* Team SmackDown is backstage, congratulating each other. Kane and Jericho expect everyone to fall in line. Truth says they respect him, and Finlay and Natalya reiterate that they’re all in this together. Hardy and company want nothing more than to embarrass Raw.
Quick take: Oh, you rascally bunch of misfits. Should be interesting.

* Mickie James is chatting with Mae Young. Women’s Champion Michelle McCool comes in. McCool mocks Mickie for not being on the SmackDown Divas team. Mickie says Michelle is just scared that she’d get shown up, and that Mickie is taking her title eventually. Beth Phoenix comes up, and compliments Mae. She’s happy to be on the SmackDown team, but says she’s gunning for the title, too. Michelle tells Mae to shut up, and Mae slaps her across the face.
Quick take: Good to see Mae is taking care of herself. Glad someone owned McCool. Beth looked super pretty, and I was sad that she was only on the show for 2 seconds for the 2nd week in a row.

* Batista and Rey Mysterio are backstage, having a playful argument over their match last week. Rey plugs Batista’s new DVD. Both guys say they’re gonna win the title come Sunday, but tonight, they’ll put Jericho and Kane down.
Quick take: Cheap plug! Someone call DX, that’s gimmick infringement.

* Batista and Rey Mysterio d. Kane and WWE Unified Tag Team Champion Chris Jericho by pinfall
- Batista overpowers Jericho in the opening moments of the match. Rey continues with the offense. Kane breaks up a 619 attempt, tossing Rey to the outside. Kane gets into the match, and works over Rey’s back. Jericho keeps the momentum going until Rey counters him into a bulldog. He can’t tag in Batista as Kane prevents it. Kane and Jericho continue to punish Rey. Rey battles back, and makes the hot tag to Batista who comes in on fire. He sets Kane up for a Batista Bomb, but Jericho interrupts. Kane Chokeslams Rey, but falls victim to a Batista spear. It’s enough to pick up the win.
Quick take: Another fun little tag match, and the crowd was really rocking. Tista and Rey are both so over regardless of what the so-called smart fans think. Oh well. If you thought Kane had any chance of being anything more than a job guy, this match proved otherwise.

* Punk, Long, and McMahon are backstage still talking to Armstrong. McMahon seems to be in full support of Punk becoming champion once again. Tonight is the true beginning of the Road to WrestleMania. McMahon informs Armstrong that his father, “Bullet” Bob Armstrong, is a real candidate for entry into the Hall of Fame this coming year if he plays his cards right.
Quick take: Both Punk segments ran a tad long, but that didn’t mean they weren’t rather enjoyable. It pleases me to think Punk’s in with the boss. Imagine a long run for him as heel champ. YES YES YES. His face at the opening of the 2nd segment was priceless, by the way.

* Mickie James d. Layla by pinfall
- Mickie gains an early advantage on offense, but Layla comes right back. Layla takes too much time taunting, and Mickie makes the most of the opening, storming back on offense. Layla walks right into a roundhouse kick, and it’s enough for Mickie to put her away.
Quick take: It’s safe to say that Mickie got the message, and has re-applied herself. That’s the best she’s looked in the ring in awhile. AND BOTH GIRLS LOOKED FREAKING AMAZINGLY HOT. I’m still sweating.

* The Undertaker d. CM Punk (with Theodore Long) in a Submissions match to retain the World Heavyweight Championship
- Before the match, Punk cuts a promo. He feels empowered by the fact that he could embarrass and humiliate all the fans in the arena, and watching at home. After all, he’s better than everyone because he’s straightedge. He’s about to make Taker tap out for the second time. Taker can’t, and won’t, beat him tonight. There’s nothing any of the fans can do about it.
- Taker knocks Punk flat with a right hook to open the match. He works Punk over in the corners, wearing him down with straight punches. He wrenches Punk’s arm. Punk comes back quickly, but can’t hook the Anaconda Vise. Taker dumps Punk out of the ring, and pummels him on the outside. Taker misses a running boot, and this gives Punk a chance to mount a little bit of offense. They get back in the ring, and Taker begins to dominate once again. Taker goes for Old School, but is distracted (perhaps unintentionally) by Long on the outside. Punk reverses, and gets in some more offense. He calls for Long to hand him a chair. Long instead hands the chair to Armstrong. Punk grabs it, but runs into a big boot. Taker chokeslams Armstrong. He moves for Long, who runs away. Punk hits Taker with the chair a few times. He tells Long to get another referee while Punk straps the Vise on Taker. Referee Mike Chioda comes in as Taker reverses into Hell’s Gate. Punk taps immediately to end the match.
Quick take: Punk tapped far too early, and looked like a little bitch once again. Sigh. Don’t tease me with McMahon segments if he’s not gonna get it done. BOO.

Bottom line: 6.75/10

Weekly SmackDown Review: October 16, 2009

A true Friday night delight

Results:

* General Manager Theodore Long enters. He hypes Bragging Rights, and he intends to uphold SmackDown’s honor. He introduces Team SmackDown’s captain, Chris Jericho. Jericho makes his way to the ring, and says he was the right choice for team captain. He wants to address the possibility of John Cena returning to SmackDown. If Cena wants to come to SmackDown, he’ll have to go through him to do it. He has a responsibility to put together a team that will fall in line, and follow him to the promised land. He buries DX, and their new book and merchandise, not to mention the fans. Out comes Kane. Kane says he and Jericho need to talk, and names himself co-captain of the SmackDown team. Jericho relents. As far as Kane is concerned, Team Raw can go up in flames. He does his trademark pyro taunt.

* Dolph Ziggler d. Finlay and Mike Knox in a triple threat match; as a result, Dolph Ziggler will be on Team SmackDown at Bragging Rights
- Finlay knocks Knox out with the shillelagh. Ziggler pulls Finlay out of the ring, and covers Knox for the win.

* Cryme Tyme d. The Hart Dynasty (with Natalya) by pinfall; as a result, both Shad and JTG will be on Team SmackDown at Bragging Rights
- JTG pins Kidd after the Shout Out.

* Chris Jericho is backstage with Women’s Champion Michelle McCool and GM Long. They announce another match for Bragging Rights. It will be Women’s Champion Michelle McCool vs Divas Champion Melina. Michelle is confident she can beat any Diva at any time. In comes Mickie James. She’s excited to be on SmackDown. Mickie says she’d be a better choice to beat a Raw Diva. Up comes Beth Phoenix. She warns Michelle that she won’t be champion for long.

* Vince McMahon is backstage, on the phone. Up comes CM Punk. Punk thinks the 4-way match at Bragging Rights is ridiculous. McMahon agrees. but won’t call off the match. McMahon sets up a return submission match for next week on SmackDown.

* Eric Escobar (with Vickie Guerrero) d. Matt Hardy by pinfall; as a result, Escobar will be on Team SmackDown at Bragging Rights
- Before the match, Vickie comes out to introduce her new boyfriend, Eric Escobar.
- Vickie distracts the ref. It allows Escobar to roll Hardy up, and grab the tights for a cheap win.

* The Dirt Sheet with Intercontinental Champion John Morrison and United States Champion The Miz. They argue about who is the more successful of the team. They draw comparisons to duos from the past like Mork and Mindy, Bill and Ted, Wayne and Garth, Regis and Kathie Lee, and The Rockers. Morrison insults Miz’s new look.  Miz intends to prove that he’s better than Morrison, and always has been. Morrison challenges him to prove it right now. Miz declines. Morrison goes on to call Raw boring, and SmackDown the true A show. Morrison’s tired of talking, and attempts to goad Miz into a fight. Miz backs off, and exits the ring.

* Drew McIntyre d. R-Truth by countout; as a result, McIntyre will be on Team SmackDown at Bragging Rights
- McIntyre bashes Truth against the steel steps, and Truth can’t beat the count back into the ring.

* Rey Mysterio is backstage. Batista walks up, and is worried about their upcoming match. They both promise to put their friendship aside at Bragging Rights in order to win the world title.

* World Heavyweight Champion The Undertaker appears, and has a message for his opponent next week, CM Punk. History has a way of repeating itself, but not in his yard. Punk, Long, and Scott Armstrong are tempting fate by attempting to wrench the title out of his grasp. Once you enter Hell’s gates, there is no turning back. He will take Punk’s soul, and give him his last rites.

* Rey Mysterio d. Batista by pinfall
- Batista goes for the Batista Bomb, but Rey reverses it into a rollup for a pinfall victory. Batista appeared to have kicked out, but the referee disagrees.
- After the match, Batista and Rey shake hands. Batista leaves the ring, leaving Mysterio alone. CM Punk comes out of the crowd, and nails Rey with a GTS, and leaves before Batista can get revenge.

My thoughts:

Jericho and Kane opening
- Still receiving a mixed reaction. Interesting. Never mess with Taker.
- BREAK THE WALLS DOWN! Marking hard for Jericho tonight.
- Take that mic, Chris. Hell yes.
- I miss JR already. Cole just isn’t the same.
- Interesting that Jericho is calling Cena out. I wonder if they’ll do something with this.
- DX book plug alert!
- That book looks pretty easy to demolish. I’ll have to take care of my copy.
- Kane? Um, okay.
- Ha. Jericho acted like it was his idea. He does the subtle comedy really well.
- We are seeing the Jericho and Kane combo I have expected since Night of Champions.
- OMG PYRO! OMG PYRO!
- I haven’t seen that pyro in FOREVER.

Triple threat
- I like the new SmackDown graphics. Quite high tech. Production really sets WWE apart from the rest.
- Boo Dolph. Breaking Maria’s heart like it wasn’t nothing. Jerk.
- Knox and Dolph coalition lasted all of two seconds. Heh.
- I can’t believe Knox is still around. He’s a beard, and that’s about it.
- Botched apron spot. Whee.
- How did Dolph get that thud sound on a dropkick? Impressive.
- Oh, I was hoping for a 3-man spot. Lame.
- Ziggler with a splash! Never seen that from him.
- Crowd’s dead. Boo.
- FameAsser! Where was the ref on that count?
- Knox moves like a geriatric in the ring. Painful to watch.
- Shillelagh! How is that not a DQ? There was NO obstructed view there.
- I feel like we’ve seen that exact finish with these 3 like 5 times now.

Cryme Tyme v Hart Dynasty
- No Eve. Yawn.
- That kid getting down in the crowd was just too funny. Little white kids dancing is always awkward and funny.
- Cryme Tyme v The Dynasty. Every week, I swear. There are no other teams.
- Shad and JTG played Rock, Paper, Scissors to determine the first man in. Gimmick infringement on DX!
- You would think since these two teams are so familiar with each other that these matches would be spot-on. This one, though, feels very, very sluggish to me.
- Did Tyson’s crown connect with Smith’s hackysack? I think it did.
- The Shout Out is one hell of a move. I’m a big fan.

Divas
- Gotta say, Michelle is looking pretty good tonight.
- Jericho and McCool could be a decent on-screen couple.
- I’m excited to see Mickie, too.
- Yay Beth!

McMahon and Punk
- Face time with the boss. Most excellent.
- Punk’s wraps say, “BJ.” Heh, heh, heh.
- Hmmm. Watch Punk win, and job the belt away 2 days later. Why not?

Escobar v Hardy
- Instant heat on Vickie. Damn. They HATE her. Will that help Escobar?
- Uh oh. Escobar comes out, and the heat just DIED. Yikes.
- Escobar gonna qualify for Bragging Rights? Damn, they’re gonna push this kid right out the gate.
- Aw. You can’t have Escobar qualify over Mattitude. I can’t approve of that.
- Stop punishing Matt for Jeff’s mistakes. It’s not fair.
- Let’s see what Escobar’s got.
- He doesn’t have much but Vickie’s instant heat. That’s a problem with new guys, if there’s not something instantly different, I don’t care. Maybe Escobar has a quality that will come through, but I don’t see it yet.
- He sells well. I can give him that.
- You have GOT to be kidding me. Poor Matthew. :(
- Wow, Escobar’s hair stayed in place. I’ll give it up for that. I’m relatively impressed.

Dirt Sheet
- I was a big fan of the Dirt Sheet, but it hasn’t translated well in the live ring.
- That said, I’m still stoked for this.
- As exicted as I am for Morrison v Miz, I have to admit Kofi v Morrison would have been one hell of a match.
- Morrison’s character was more entertaining as a heel. Funnier, too.
- Decent heat on Miz.
- Crowd loves it some Morrison. That’s nice.
- Old school HBK. Awesome.
- Poor Marty Jannetty. Forever synonymous with the loser tag partner.
- No one wants to be the next Marty Jannetty while everyone wants to be the next HBK.
- Yo Momma jokes!
- Mizzy Jannetty? Who writes this stuff?
- I prefer the old Miz look, I must say.
- I don’t think Miz is husky.
- I dig Miz’s “Really?” bit. I find it funny.
- Raw IS a cheap version of SNL.
- I’d watch Big Bird host Raw.
- This is getting heated, folks. I’m really into it.
- I have to say, that segment was AWESOME.

McIntyre v Truth
- Oh god, the rapping. I hate this shit.
- I say Truth should get the nod here. Otherwise, Team SD is a little too heel heavy. Besides, do you want to push TWO new heels at the same time?
- Christ, I can hear Truth every time he moves. Ease up on the chainage, dude.
- Heel in control after the commercial break alert!
- I’m pretty damn bored. It’s better than their PPV match, but that ain’t saying much.
- Wow, Escobar and McIntyre both qualified. SD is for noobs now. Sigh.
- Team Raw is loaded. Team SD? Not so much.

Taker
- Gotta say, Taker’s promo work has been excellent as of late.

Mysterio v Batista
- Take your time on your entrances, boys. Sheesh.
- I thought this match was going to get a decent amount of time, but after entrances, I see a nine minute bout tops. Ugh.
- Batista looks like he’s enjoying himself. That’s good. Any emotion is good emotion.
- Ha. Mysterio is smaller than Batista. This is kind of fun.
- Commercial? You’re serious?
- Batista is still stronger than Mysterio after the break.
- Okay, Batista’s done playing around. Git ‘im.
- Which way did he go? Which way did he go?
- WHAT A SPEAR! Damn!
- Okay, it was fun for a little bit, but we can cut the friendly thing out now. Wrestle, please.
- 619 on Batista?
- Ah, a no sell.
- Interesting. I would ABSOLUTELY approve of a Batista heel turn if it happened. Seriously.
- AWESOME! Punk sneak attack FTW.
- ALL HAIL HEEL PUNK!

The newbies Escobar and McIntyre have yet to show me anything. I can hold out hope. The Dirt Sheet was awesome. The main event was entertaining for what it was, if a bit rushed. I don’t like the makeup of Team SmackDown one bit, though. Raw looks to be headed for a cakewalk. 7.25/10