Weekly Superstars Review: March 25, 2010

* CM Punk (with The Straight Edge Society) d. JTG (with Shad) by pinfall
- Punk wins with a GTS.
Quick take: Still find it interesting that so many on the card are working matches on WrestleMania week. Then again, this was all Monday. I guess 6 days is enough rest. Interesting that the tag division is the new job squad. That was a lot shorter than I expected it to be. This is going to be all promo videos, isn’t it?

* HBK v Taker promo

* Edge v Jericho promo

* Hart v McMahon promo

* Mysterio v Gallows from SmackDown last week

* Rey Mysterio d. Tyson Kidd (with The Hart Dynasty) by pinfall
- Mysterio wins with a 619 and a springboard body splash.
Quick take: I will start by saying Natalya can have me any time. This match started with about 20 minutes left in the hour, so I had relatively high hopes, actually. Kidd v Mysterio is a matchup I wanted to see, so I’m glad I got it in some capacity. There was a lot of cool stuff to this match. They actually put on a good show pretty close to Mania. I hope Punk and Rey get some time. I will be beyond pissed if they don’t.

Aw, who gives a shit about Superstars, anyway? It was all vid packages and commercials. It’s insulting. I can’t even grade it.

Weekly Raw Review: March 22, 2010

* Shawn Michaels makes his way to the ring. He’s got a feeling, the same feeling he had back in 1992, right before he turned on Marty Jannetty. The same one before he beat Bret Hart for the WWE Championship, and last week when he gave some Sweet Chin Music to The Undertaker. It is the feeling that he can do absolutely anything. With the new DVD, he says many feel that his journey is coming to the end, but he’s about to give us a whole new set of memories. This is only the beginning. After WrestleMania, he will no longer be known by his old nicknames, instead he’ll be known as the one and only man who ended The Undertaker’s WrestleMania streak. The lights go out. We see a Shawn Michaels career video package. It turns into Taker beating him last year, and Taker saying HBK’s career will rest in peace. Michaels says if Taker wants to intimidate him, he needs to come out and do it to his face. Out comes tonight’s guest host, Pete Rose. Rose says HBK is the right man to end the streak, and wishes him luck. As guest host, he wants HBK to compete tonight against Kane with the same stipulations as WrestleMania. He wants HBK to get revenge for all the things Kane has done to Rose in the past at Mania.
Quick take: I will forever be a Shawn Michaels fan. Sure, this wasn’t his best work in terms of a promo, but it didn’t matter. He could have gone out and farted into the mic, and I would have been seriously ready for the Mania match. I don’t want him to leave, but I feel like it’s happening. Pete Rose SUCKS.

* A Cena vs Batista feud package, SummerSlam 2008

* John Morrison (with R-Truth) d. Unified WWE Tag Team Champion and United States Champion The Miz (with Unified WWE Tag Team Champion Big Show) by pinfall in a non-title match
- Show and Truth joined Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler on commentary.
- Morrison wins with Starship Pain.
Quick take: Miz v Morrison. Honestly, I wouldn’t have minded if this was the Mania match, for the US title or something. I don’t need to see Truth or Show all that much, but I get why that’s the match they went for. We got way more of a match than I was expecting. Not the best showcase these two have had, but a pretty damn good one. I have a feeling this will end up being the dark match Sunday. Something’s gotta get shafted. Morrison wins cleanly here, I say Miz Show retains Sunday.

* Triple H is backstage, gearing up. In walks Randy Orton. Triple H says that common enemies does not make their past go away. He’s prepared to drop Orton where he stands. Orton reminds Hunter that he still has to make it to WrestleMania.
Quick take: Well, they didn’t gloss over the history, I guess. Better than nothing.

* A Cena vs Batista feud package, Elimination Chamber 2010

* Kofi Kingston d. Vladimir Kozlov by pinfall to qualify for Money in the Bank at WrestleMania 26
- Jack Swagger sat in on commentary.
- Kofi beats Kozlov with Trouble in Paradise.
Quick take: I felt like Kofi was a sure thing to qualify. Besides, Kofi pretty much stole the show in the match last year, and has gotten a hot and cold push for months now. If anything, he deserved it. Good for him. I look forward to seeing him.

* Stu Hart and Bob Uecker are revealed as inductees into the WWE Hall of Fame

* Legacy and Sheamus d. Randy Orton and Triple H by pinfall in a handicap match
- Before the match, Cody Rhodes says that it’s every man for himself this Sunday. Before we get to that, though, he laments that they had to put up with Orton for 18 months, but now they’re free. Everyone credits Orton for shaping them, but they would have been stars anyway. Ted DiBiase says they don’t care who wins Sunday just as long as Randy loses. They will expose his arrogance. Cody says they’re the true future of the business, not Orton. No one likes or respects them, but by this time next week, we will.
- Sheamus pins Orton after a bicycle kick.
- After the match, Sheamus tries to kick Triple H, but misses. Triple H clears him out of the ring.
Quick take: Again, I am surprised that all these guys that are in Mania are working a match this close to the big show. The norm used to be that they had the night pretty much off if memory serves. Guess neither of these matches are going to be anything special. Not that I expected them to be. How long will it take to get used to the Orton pop? I’m really not sure. This is unbelievable. He was such a monster, evil heel just one year ago. It’s uncanny. I was legitimately not expecting the finish we got. So sudden. Hunter standing tall at the end here. Hmm.

* Cena vs Batista feud package, the night after Elimination Chamber 2010

* Bret Hart makes his way to the ring. He never believed he’d get another chance to go to WrestleMania, and is glad he has the opportunity. He’s had a bad taste in his mouth for years since he left WWE, but now he has a chance to leave on a high note. Starting next week, all we’ll hear will be “Bret beat Vince.” All the Harts will be in Phoenix to induct Stu into the Hall of Fame, and says Vince better stay hidden until his match. Vince has managed to drive half of his family out, but all the Harts will be around to see his match. He reflects on his great Mania moments in years past. He promises 26 will be the best there is, the best there was, and the best there ever will be. Out comes Vince McMahon. He says that this Sunday, one way or another, Bret is screwed.
Quick take: Honestly, Vince’s little bit at the end was pretty good for some reason. Funny how that works. As for the rest of it, I have to wonder what will happen Sunday. Can Bret still go?

* Backstage, HBK is on his way to the ring. Rose stops him, and wishes him luck.
Quick take: Is that all Pete’s gonna do? The less, the better I suppose.

* Shawn Michaels d. Kane by pinfall
- HBK is tuning up Sweet Chin Music when the lights go out. When they come back on, Kane is gone, and Taker is in the ring. Taker gives Michaels a Chokeslam. The lights go out again, and now Kane is back. HBK kicks out, and the match continues. HBK reverses a Tombstone attempt with Sweet Chin Music to win the match.
Quick take: I am absolutely shocked that Shawn is working a match this close to Mania. One would assume he would need all the gas in his tank heading into Mania. I doubt he and Taker will go any less than half an hour. If HBK is going out, you can bet he’s going to do all he can to make sure he goes out in the greatest match of all time. That ending was suprising, yet not surprising. Didn’t think HBK was losing even though they made it look like he might. Probably HBK’s last Raw match for a long time, if not ever. Sigh.

* Cena vs Batista feud package, 2 weeks ago

* Rose is backstage with Christian. Christian congratulates Rose on getting the upper hand on Kane. Kane is in Rose’s office, and the door closes.
Quick take: Good use of Christian. Really. “Don’t bet on it.” I see what you did there.

* Divas Champion Maryse, Women’s Champion Michelle McCool, and Layla (with Alicia Fox and Vickie Guerrero) d. Beth Phoenix, Eve, and Gail Kim (with Kelly Kelly and Mickie James) by pinfall
- Michelle pins Gail after a Faithbreaker.
Quick take: I think this would have been the Mania match. We’re getting it here instead, it appears. Thank God. I love the Divas, but there is absolutely no room for them this year at all. Holy shit. That was 45 seconds long, and only Gail and Michelle wrestled. What the fuck was that? WHAT IS THE POINT OF THAT? WHY MAKE IT A 6 DIVA TAG IF YOU’RE ONLY GOING TO USE TWO? STOP THE INSANITY.

* Cena vs Batista feud package, last week

* WWE Champion Batista makes his way to the ring, flanked by security. He says he welcomes the boos, and we’re all going to have to get used to the sight of him with the championship belt. John Cena can’t, won’t, and will never beat him. When Cena and Batista are in the ring together, bad things happen to Cena. Nothing will change on Sunday. The fans mean nothing to him, and everything to Cena. That will be Cena’s downfall. He appreciates our money, though. Cena will disappoint everyone again come Sunday. He then calls Cena out. Cena makes his way to the ring. Cena says he let everyone down when Batista beat him for the title, and he has now lost confidence in himself because he keeps failing to stop Batista every step of the way. He’s not sure if he can ever stop it. He’s been in bad spots before, but he’s always given people the chance to believe. It’s because he always believed in himself. Batista says Cena is now a common loser just like everyone else in the crowd. Cena agrees. He is just like the fans, sick and tired of Batista’s garbage. He says Batista’s not good at his job, and believes in his own hype. If Batista was good at what he did, he wouldn’t need security. Cena doesn’t see an animal, he sees Dave Batista, and Dave Batista can be beaten. In fact, he will be beaten. This Sunday at WrestleMania, Cena will take back the WWE Championship. If Batista isn’t going to make a move, Cena’s done talking. Batista says Cena’s got nothing, and steps in front of his security. The two begin to brawl. Security and officials try to break it up. Cena breaks free, but Batista has already walked off, and to the back.
Quick take: Classic shit right there. I love the lame brawls that are broken up by security. That’s the lifeline of professional wrestling. It may not be the main event everyone wants to see, but it’s our main event dammit. Let’s do this.

So, this happened. There you go. Almost there now. Can you taste it yet?

Bottom line: 7/10

Weekly SmackDown Review: March 19, 2010

* Rey Mysterio makes his way to the ring. He says he’s been reliving what happened between CM Punk and his family last week. He crossed a line that should never be crossed. He accepts Punk’s challenge for a match at WrestleMania, but it won’t be just any kind of match. He wants it to be a street fight. Out comes CM Punk and The Straight Edge Society. Punk calls him a coward again. Rey says Punk is less than human, he’s a monster. Punk says if Rey touches him at any point until WrestleMania, the match is off. He sees potential in Rey, and then displays some pictures of what happened last year. He says Rey’s family believes he’s a superhero that can make the monster go away, but they were proven wrong last week. He wants Rey to accept him as his savior. Rey says if Punk doesn’t accept his challenge, he’s going to have to fight him every day for the rest of his life. Punk has a proposition. If Rey can beat Luke Gallows tonight, the street fight is on. However, if Rey loses tonight and at WrestleMania, he will have to join the Straight Edge Society. Rey accepts, and promises to give Punk the beating of a lifetime at Mania.
Quick take: Good stuff. I almost feel wrong watching this, but I think that’s a good thing. Any time you involve someone’s family, it goes to a whole new level. I can’t wait for this match.

* Jack Swagger and Dolph Ziggler d. MVP and Matt Hardy pinfall
- Ziggler pins MVP after a Zig Zag.
- After the match, Ziggler pulls out a ladder from underneath the ring. He climbs it, and grabs the fake briefcase that has been hanging over the ring for the past few weeks.
Quick take: Meh. Gotta push MITB, and this method is as good as any. That’s as close as Dolph will get to winning, I assure you.

* GM Teddy Long is backstage with Intercontinental Champion Drew McIntyre. He sarcastically congratulates Drew on his win last week. He’s still undefeated…until tonight. Long has a match for him tonight. Thinking about streaks got him thinking. Drew will be in a non-title match tonight against The Undertaker.
Quick take: I need more T. Lo.

* Beth Phoenix and Tiffany d. Women’s Champion Michelle McCool and Layla by pinfall
- Beth pins Michelle after a Glam Slam.
- After the match, Vickie Guerrero comes out. She tells Tiffany to leave, and says Beth owes her an apology. Beth says she already apologized backstage, but Vickie demands a public one. Beth apologizes, but Vickie says it’s an unacceptable one. She says she will make Beth regret that she ever laid hands on her. She puts Beth in a match next week. Her opponent will be Vickie.
Quick take: Dear Beth Phoenix, I am in love with you. I’m glad she’s getting a push.

* The Cutting Edge with special guest World Heavyweight Champion Chris Jericho
- Edge reminds us of what happened last week, and says he thought he’d return the favor. Jericho comes out with his NXT rookie, Wade Barrett. Jericho got him last Friday, but Edge got him back this Monday. Edge has planned ahead, and already knows how their Mania match is going to end. Jericho says it’s a mistake to boil down their match to one move. There are many other factors. He wonders if Edge can live up to everyone’s expectations, and if he’s fully healed. Jericho says if he tears Edge’s Achilles for a second time, his career is over. Edge says there’s a good chance that’s all true, but no one knows. The only way to find out is for Jericho to make his move. He dares him to do it. Jericho declines, and Edge punches him. Barrett attacks Edge, and the double team is on. Edge fights out of it, tossing Jericho out of the ring. He Spears Barrett. He turns around, and Jericho hits him with a Codebreaker. Jericho stomps on Edge’s injured ankle and foot.
Quick take: An excellent segment turned in by these two. I like that Edge is unsure if he’s healed, but doesn’t care because he wants to beat Jericho that badly. This has all been good.

* John Morrison and R-Truth d. The Hart Dynasty (with Natalya) by pinfall
- Truth pins Kidd after a Lie Detector.
Quick take: Poor Hart Dynasty. Natalya is still a stone cold fox at least.

* Luke Gallows (with The Straight Edge Society) d. Rey Mysterio by pinfall
- Serena knocks Rey off the top rope on a springboard attempt behind the ref’s back. It’s enough for Gallows to pick up the cheap win.
- After the match, Rey attacks Gallows, beating him up on the outside. Punk and Serena just watch as Rey demolishes Luke.
Quick take: What a terrific little match we got. The crowd was hot. Gallows would do fine on his own, and this showed it. Good stuff. Sad the Mania match has no stipulation, but hey, save it for Extreme Rules, I guess.

* The Undertaker d. Intercontinental Champion Drew McIntyre by pinfall in a non-title match
- Taker wins with the Tombstone Piledriver.
- After the match, Shawn Michaels attacks Taker on his way up the ramp. He goes for Sweet Chin Music, but Taker ducks it. Taker goes for the Tombstone, but HBK wriggles out. He then connects with Sweet Chin Music.
Quick take: Drew? FUKKEN BURIED. Match aftermatch? FUKKEN AWESOME. HBK! HBK! HBK!

Not a bad show. Went by pretty quickly. 2 shows till Mania (I don’t count NXT or SS on the “timeline” as they have no impact on any Mania storylines unless Bryan finally snaps and shoots Miz in the face)

Bottom line: 7.25/10

Cliff’s Weekly NXT Review: March 16, 2010

* Matt Striker announces that the rookies will be evaluated by the pros in 2 weeks, and some of them will get cut.

* CM Punk and Darren Young (with The Straight Edge Society) d. Matt Hardy and Justin Gabriel by pinfall
- Young pins Hardy after Punk hits him with a GTS.
- After the match, Luke Gallows takes out Gabriel and Hardy, and then hits Young with the Twelfth Step (or Gallows Pole, I am not sure what they have decided to call it).
Quick take: I have a feeling that Gabriel is going to win NXT, especially if fan voting is part of the criteria for winning. He’s a good looking kid, and a high flyer, and that is a combo that is sorta lacking in WWE right now. Punk has reached the lofty status with me that I’d watch him do just about anything. I am glad they put him on NXT so I can see him twice a week. I wonder how long Young’s hair would be if he didn’t spike it up. His hair annoys the hell out of me. I am done with it. This was a nice, lengthy match. It proved that Gabriel can definitely be a star, and it was the first tim I really got to see Young work. He’s not bad, either. I like this show because it allows me to believe there’s a future.

* The Great Khali (with Ranjin Singh) d. Daniel Bryan by pinfall
- Khali beats Bryan with a Punjabi Plunge.
- After the match, Unified WWE Tag Team Champion Big Show comes out and gives Bryan a Chokeslam.
Quick take: Not much of a reaction for Bryan this time around. Sigh. The fact that Khali’s pop was larger fucking kills me. In happier news, I love that Cole hates Bryan so much. It never fails to make me laugh. Putting Bryan against a face monster in Khali was a mistake. Should have put him against Big Show. Would have made a ton more sense considering he’s Miz’s partner.

* David Otunga video package

* Heath Slater d. Michael Tarver by pinfall
- Slater catches Tarver with a schoolboy in the corner.
- After the match, Tarver hits an exploder suplex on Slater.
Quick take: It shouldn’t distract me, but I couldn’t help but notice Christian and Carlito’s absence. I think Tarver is the worst bumper of the group. I think he’s gonna end up hurting himself before this is all said and done. Another sad thing is that I got more enjoyment out of Christian’s 2 seconds of screen time with Carlito than I did out of this match.

* William Regal is backstage with Skip Sheffield. Regal is annoyed with Sheffield because Sheffield won’t shut up and listen.

* Wade Barrett (with World Heavyweight Champion Chris Jericho) d. Skip Sheffield (with William Regal) by pinfall
- Barrett beats Sheffield with his version of a military press slam.
Quick take: I was actually impressed with Sheffield’s agility. That kinda came out of nowhere. I like Barrett a lot, but that might just be by his association with Jericho. We’ll see. I would like to see more of him. Jericho needs to just yell at the commentators the whole time. That’s just too good.

NXT continues to impress me.

Bottom line: 7.75/10

Cliff’s Weekly SmackDown Review: March 12, 2010

I was joined by my brother William for this one. He hasn’t seen it since the last Raw of 2009. It was funny seeing him react to both Edge and Bret Hart being on the Mania card. I kind of take their respective presence in WWE for granted right now. Refreshing.

* Rey Mysterio makes his way to the ring. He has brought along his family for a celebration. It is, in fact, a celebration for his daughter Aaliyah’s 9th birthday. He wants everyone to sing “Happy Birthday” to her. Out comes The Straight Edge Society. CM Punk begins to sing the song, but he is horrendous. He says he’s not out here to hurt Rey or his family. Actually, he’s here to challenge Mysterio to a match at WrestleMania 26, and to a match tonight. He goads Rey and his family by calling him a coward, and slapping him across the face. Rey leaves with his family, saying he won’t fight in front of them.
Quick take: Good stuff. Punk is about as good a performer as there is right now, and I almost felt for Mysterio getting stripped down in front of his family. Powerful.
Second opinion: That was boring until Punk saved it. No one wants to see your kids. Punk is just about the worst singer I’ve ever heard. Will their Mania match just be a singles match, or will they add something to it? I have trouble caring about matches with nothing on the line.

* R-Truth (with David Otunga) d. United States and Unified WWE Tag Team Champion The Miz (with Daniel Bryan) by pinfall in a non-title match
- Before the match, Miz cuts a promo. If John Morrison and R-Truth think they can embarrass himself and Big Show, and beat them at WrestleMania, they’re wrong. They’re going to show Morrison and Truth what they can do in singles action tonight. They’re Show Miz, and they’re awesome.
- Miz tries to pin Truth with his feet on the ropes, but Bryan pushes his feet off. The distraction allows Truth to hit the Lie Detector for the win.
Quick take: Any NXT exposure is good NXT exposure. The pairings are really starting to make sense to me now. This match was fine. Not in favor of the Lie Detector over the Scissors Kick as a finisher.
Second opinion: Miz has 3 belts? Are you fucking kidding me? This is unacceptable.

* Undertaker and Shawn Michaels at WrestleMania video package

* Intercontinental Champion Drew McIntyre is backstage when he is approached by SmackDown GM Teddy Long. Mr McMahon has once again expunged Drew’s loss from last week. He has another shot to qualify for Money in the Bank tonight.

* Drew McIntyre d. Aaron Bolo by pinfall to retain the Intercontinental Championship and qualify for Money in the Bank at WrestleMania 26
- Drew wins the squash match with Future Shock.
Quick take: More than 8 people in MITB is simply ludicrous. That’s way too muddled. I don’t approve. I would have put Drew over Kane or Hardy.
Second opinion: Who the hell are these two? The IC Champ had a kickass entrance.

* Unified WWE Tag Team Champion Big Show d. John Morrison by pinfall
- Show counters a Chuck Kick with the KO Punch for the win.
Quick take: This got more time than I expected, that’s for sure. I don’t know if anyone can carry Show to a watchable match at this point.
Second opinion: Morrison oughta have a belt by now. I can’t believe he’s in another random tag team.

* Tiffany is backstage with T Lo. He welcomes her to SmackDown. They reveal that Mickie James should be back soon from her knee injury. In comes Vickie Guerrero. She blames Tiffany for getting ECW cancelled. T Lo says Tiffany is here to compete as a Diva, and not as an authority figure. Vickie puts her in a non-title match against Women’s Champion Michelle McCool.

* Cryme Tyme vs The Hart Dynasty (with Natalya) ends in a no contest
- The Undertaker appears from under the ring, and takes out all four wrestlers.
Quick take: Fuck your tag division. Sigh.
Second opinion: Why bother with the charade of a match? You could have just had him randomly attacking people backstage or something. Still, good to see Taker kicking ass and taking names.

* Tiffany d. Women’s Champion Michelle McCool (with Layla and Vickie Guerrero) by disqualification in a non-title match
- Vickie and Layla attack Tiffany on the outside, causing the DQ.
- After the match, Beth Phoenix comes out and clears house.
Quick take: All I care about is Beth Phoenix when it comes to Divas right now.
Second opinion: I didn’t even really think any of them were that hot until Beth came out. I thought the whole point was hot chicks who can almost wrestle.

* Kane d. Luke Gallows (with The Straight Edge Society) by disqualification
- Kane hits a Chokeslam, but Punk attacks him to cause a DQ.
- After the match, Punk hits the GTS on Kane. This brings out Mysterio. Mysterio brawls with Punk until officials break it up. The WrestleMania match is now official.
Quick take: I look forward to the Mania match, but I wonder if they’ll add the much rumored hair v mask stip. Maybe that’s down the line. This match got more time than I thought it would. Not bad, actually.
Second opinion: I cannot believe Kane still has this solid a spot. He’s never been all that great. I like giving Punk followers. Makes him even cooler.

* World Heavyweight Champion Chris Jericho makes his way to the ring for The Highlight Reel. Tonight’s guest is his WrestleMania opponent, Edge. They bicker about things. Jericho points out Edge’s history of getting injured at the wrong times, and Edge says that he Spears Jericho like all the time. Jericho gets fed up, and attacks with a stool that was in the ring. It backfires, and Edge hits the Edgecution and sets up a Spear, but Jericho counters by hitting him with the world title belt.
Quick take: Their weakest segment to date. I love the rivalry, but having them clash every week is making this a touch tedious. At least Jericho got the last laugh this time.
Second opinion: Edge being back almost makes this worth watching again. I am so stoked that they are in the main event together.

I’m on the fence with this one. Not much stood out aside from Punk and Mysterio, but that was so good that I don’t want to score this too low.

Bottom line: 7/10
Second opinion: Not boring, but didn’t necessarily make me miss watching wrestling all that much. 5.25/10

Cliff’s Weekly Superstars Review: March 11, 2010

Web is off at a grad school open house (good luck!) so I will once again be reviewing SS and SD. Joy of joys. Good news, my brother will be back tomorrow, and already agreed to lend his thoughts to the SmackDown review. Should be fun. He doesn’t religiously follow, but he learned enough from being near me over the years to learn all the important stuff.

* Dolph Ziggler d. Shelton Benjamin by submission
- Ziggler straps on the sleeper hold, and Benjamin passes out in it. The ref stops the match.
Quick take: It is shocking to me that Dolph has a Mania slot, but I guess he has earned it in a way. His unsuccessful attempts for the IC gold were interesting, and yielded some good matches. As for Shelton, it’s a perfect summation of his career. He seems like he’ll ascend all the way up the ladder, but never does. He will forever remain in midcard/lower card hell. Anyway, this match was nothing special, but better than some of the matches we see on Raw on most nights. I mean, finishers were kicked out of, something we never see in meaningless matches like this. Interesting.

* Goldust d. Mike Knox by pinfall
- Goldust wins with the Final Cut.
Quick take: Wow. I don’t know what’s gotten into Goldust lately, but I like it. For whatever reason, he has a fire lit under his ass, and is seriously bringing it. He’s in great shape, and it is showing. Good for him.

* Zack Ryder (with Rosa Mendes) d. Santino Marella by pinfall
- Ryder beats Marella with a Zack Attack.
Quick take: The highlight of this was getting to sing “Oh, Radio.” ‘Nuff said, I think. Lawler spent the whole match telling us how hot he thinks Rosa is. THE WHOLE MATCH. I need to take a cold shower now. One thing I will say for Santino is that his parody of Hulking Out totally invalidates Hulkamania. So that’s nice.

* Batista video package

* Raw Rebound: Cena and Batista be feudin’

* Christian (with Heath Slater) and MVP d. Chavo Guerrero and Carlito (with Michael Tarver)
- Christian pins Guerrero after a Killswitch.
Quick take: A bit sloppy. Good exposure for the rookies to come out with their pros on all the shows like this. I hope Christian is in line for a push, but I won’t hold my breath.

Why do I keep watching a show that has no impact on anything? Why? For you people? Probably.

Bottom line: 5.75

Cliff’s Weekly NXT Review: March 9, 2010

* Matt Striker is backstage, welcoming us to week three of NXT, and reminds us that this show ends in a vote to determine the winner of NXT.
Quick take: Killer cardigan, dude.

* R-Truth and David Otunga d. United States Champion, Unified WWE Tag Team Champion The Miz and Daniel Bryan by pinfall
- Before the match, Miz grabs the mic for a pep talk with his rookie. He reminds Bryan that he’s 0-2, and has proved nothing to anybody here. This match tonight is very important, and if Bryan fails him, he will make sure Bryan never achieves his goal, and will have him thrown off of NXT.
- Miz and Bryan exchange blind tags and argue. Truth takes advantage of the dissension, and attacks Miz. This allows Otunga to pin Miz after a spinebuster.
Quick take: Truth and Otunga started off really well. I was impressed with how cohesive their teamwork was, actually. I also like how we’re really making Bryan a true underdog. It works out because of his size, too. I really hope he finds a niche in WWE. I loved the pacing and booking of the whole thing. Everyone ended up looking good. Well, except maybe Miz. We got a heel hook, and Otunga went over, but Bryan got the crowd to pop anyway. It all worked.

* We cut to an interview with Heath Slater. He is still astonished that Carlito spat apple in his face last week.
Quick take; This is like Jericho spilling coffee on Kane, and it becoming a feud. Amazing.

* Striker is backstage with Miz. He asks if he feels he let Bryan down tonight. Miz is about to say no when Bryan walks up. He says that Miz has been carried by all of his tag partners. He asks why Miz lost his match tonight if he’s so talented.
Quick take: I am eating this up. Every aspect of it.

* Justin Gabriel video package

* Matt Hardy and Gabriel are backstage. Hardy tells him to just do what he did last week, and win in the main event again. In walk World Heavyweight Champion Chris Jericho and Wade Barrett. Jericho says he was good last week, but not good enough to beat Barrett this week. Gabriel says he respects Jericho, but is not afraid of Barrett.
Quick take: I don’t see how Jericho can get any better at anything he does. My God.

* Heath Slater (with Christian) d. Carlito (with Michael Tarver) by pinfall
- Before the match, Carlito gets on the mic. He says Slater should be honored that he spat in his face. In fact, he should be begging him to spit in his face again.
- Slater beats Carlito when he is able to roll through a school boy attempt.
Quick take: Spit in his face again? This is all a bit homoerotic now. Cole and Mathews arguing while attempting to commentate is also good. Feels like they almost legitimately dislike each other. I don’t know about you, but I thought that match was a lot of fun. There was a good amount of comedy with some serious wrestling skills thrown in. This is great.

* Darren Young video package

* The Straight Edge Society is backstage, chatting about Young. Young’s standing there, but can’t get Punk’s attention. Young says he respects the straight edge lifestyle, but wants to know why he can’t live his own life as he chooses. Punk says he can do things his way, but it won’t be with his help if that’s the case.
Quick take: Interesting. I guess Young is a babyface, then? Whatever. I love that Punk appears to not be able to stomach being in the same room with him. It’s hilarious.

* Raw Rebound: Batista dislikes John Cena in case you didn’t know
Quick take: With a main event booked, I don’t see how there’s time for this. At all. Fuck Raw.

* Justin Gabriel (with Matt Hardy) d. Wade Barrett (with World Heavyweight Champion Chris Jericho) by pinfall
- Gabriel wins with a 450 Splash.
- After the match, Jericho pushes Hardy out of the ring, and hits Gabriel with a Codebreaker. He then puts Gabriel in the Lion Tamer.
Quick take: I like this Gabriel kid. He’s good looking, can fly around the ring, but also appears to be able to slow it down and be technical with it. What more can you ask for? Jericho yelling at commentators will never get old. Barrett’s looking good, too. He’s a guy with size, and appears to know how to use it. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but the future’s looking pretty  bright. I liked the match. The ending was sudden, but that’s part of Gabriel’s appeal, I think. Love flying finishers. Jericho attacking all the rookies? Genius. Love it.

Needed more Striker, but this episode was nearly as good as the premiere. Solid stuff all around.

Bottom line: 8.75/10

Web’s iMPACT Thoughts: March 8, 2010

Note: This will not be a regular feature. Web happened to be invited to a viewing party, and asked if I’d like him to jot his thoughts down. Of course I said yes, even if only 2 people are still dumb enough to watch it on a regular basis (you know I kid because I love) (you guys, not TNA). So, here we go.

The Monday Night Wars was a great time to be a wrestling fan. Someday, I’ll be able to tell my kids about how good it was, and tell them how good I hope it will one day be. However, last night’s TNA/WWE head-to-head was not a very good start. The hypocrisy of TNA continues to astound me. It seems like every decent wrestler is paired up with an old guy. WHY? Does TNA not have faith it such exceptional talent like AJ Styles, Eric Young, and Abyss? It’s a shame seeing them latch on to old, out of shape, veterans. It was a frustrating evening to say the least. Here are some categorized thoughts.

Wrestling

• Opening “match” was poor. No contest finishes suck but I understand they needed to build up the main event.
• The X-Division match was the best of the night by far. I loved seeing Kaz in the ring once again. I don’t understand why TNA continues to see these guys as mid-card filler.
• Knockouts Title match was decent but poorly constructed. TBP should not have won; they can’t wrestle much better than the Divas.
• RVD’s debut was an epic waste. 10 seconds of “wrestling” and then watch Van Dam get attacked with a bat for 10 minutes. Just awful.
• Good to see EY wrestle but this was a glorified promo.
• The handicap match was pointless. Beer Money are being wasted in a frivolous endevor. Oh, Mick. I don’t want to see you decomposing as a special guest ref.
• Hogan and Flair losing their plasma all over the iMPACT! zone was disgusting. I love seeing someone get busted open but there has to be a progression. A story. Blood for the sake of blood is gross. These guys are overweight and floppy. This match was about as slow and painful to the eyes as anything on TV.

Promos

• Sting’s attack on Dixie could have been intense but Sting can’t act.
• Waltman and Hall’s segment was terrible. Hall looks like the Kool-Aid guy and Syxx-Pac looks about as skeezy as Ron Jeremy.
• Mr. Anderson wearing the Captain America shirt, mocking the US Army was very entertaining. I enjoyed the segment at first but it became an excuse to cheer for the Army very quickly. Don’t get me wrong, I love the troops and what they do for us but this is exploitation at its most sleazy.
• Final chaos was so bad. Cutting away before the Swanton Bomb? It’s like a chick giving you a blowjob, and as soon as you’re about to come, she stabs it with a knife.

The only thing I could think of by the end of the show was: I missed “24” for this? Forgive me, Jack Bauer for I have sinned.

Cliff’s Weekly Raw Review: March 9, 2010

* The Undertaker makes his way to the ring. Taker addresses Shawn Michaels, saying his life now has a dark cloud that hovers above him. HBK’s obsession will cause him to pay the ultimate price, his career. There will be no tomorrow for HBK after Mania. In 3 weeks, HBK’s career will rest…in…cue HBK. HBK declares that the cloud is gone because he had an epiphany. He believes that Taker is afraid of him. If Taker thinks he’d risk everything if he didn’t know he could beat him, he has another thing coming. Nobody leads a perfect life, and nothing lasts forever. Taker thinks HBK is full of pitiful desperation, and not confidence. HBK proposes a no countout, no disqualfication match for WrestleMania. Taker accepts. He can see the passion, fire, and will in Shawn’s eyes. In his soul, he can see that Shawn honestly believes he can win. In his opinion, Michaels may be the best to ever step foot in the ring, but on March 28 he will unleash a fury unlike any other to make sure that HBK’s career is over. HBK says that, after Mania, the dark cloud will be hanging over The Undertaker.
Quick take: You can see why Taker has a character that never cuts promos. Not much of a talker. That said, I still thought this segment had about all you could want from these two. If you’re not looking forward this match now, I don’t know what to tell you to be honest. Damn.

* Eve, Kelly Kelly, and Gail Kim d. Divas Champion Maryse, Alicia Fox, and Katie Lea by submission
- Eve gets Maryse to submit to a flying armbar.
Quick take: Divas actually wrestling. A novel concept on Raw these days. This also means no special photo set, which, you know, boo. Aside from all six girls looking pretty damn hot, I didn’t care for this match. Oh well. I guess we’re pushing Eve now. Good for her? On a side note, why bother making it 6-man tag? Kelly and Katie didn’t do jack shit. Just make it a tag match. No need to bring out all six if you’re not gonna use them, and this comes from a guy who will watch them in any capacity.

* Guest host Criss Angel is backstage with Hornswoggle. He pimps his tour or show or something. The Bellas come up, and offer to be his guest assistants. He doesn’t use twins, but they settle for a demonstration. He puts a thread in his mouth, and then pulls it out of his eye. In comes Jillian. She also wants to be his assistant. She starts to sings Aerosmith’s “Angel,” but he pulls some mindfreak shit, and takes away her voice.
Quick take: Okay. I have no idea how to feel about what I just saw aside from Jillian, Nikki, and Brie looked terrific, and any trick involving the eyes freaks me the hell out. Gross, dude.

* John Morrison and R-Truth vs Unified WWE Tag Team Champions ShoMiz in a non-title match ends in a no contest
- Before the match, Miz tells us that John Morrison and R-Truth earned a tag team title match at WrestleMania. They’re insulted because Morrison and Truth aren’t actually a team. They are the last truly great team in WWE.
- The referee throws the match out after he fails to get control of the proceedings. Morrison and Truth take out Miz and Show with some double team moves outside of the ring.
- After the match, Morrison and Truth proclaim that they are indeed a real team.
Quick take: Why give a Mania match away for free so close to the show? I know this was non-title, but come on. Do singles matchups or something. Then, I realized I shouldn’t have gotten annoyed because there was no way we’d get a real match. Actually, that’s even worse. I hate swerves that were unnecessary from the get go. Whatever.

* John Cena vs Batista video package

* Josh Mathews is backstage with Cena. Cena says he was rendered speechless because Batista was right. He hasn’t beat him at any point in his career. All he can do is go out there and beat him. Mathews asks if Cena expects Batista to get involved in his match tonight. Cena says he expects it.

* Evan Bourne is backstage with Angel. He is looking forward to his Money in the Bank qualifying match. Skip Sheffield and William Regal come in. Skip wants to see another trick. Regal calls him stupid. Angel offers to do one on Regal. Angel correctly guesses the number Regal was thinking of.
Quick take: I love Regal, but Bourne better win.

* Legacy d. Randy Orton by pinfall in a handicap match
- Orton runs in during Legacy’s entrance, taking out Cody and Ted from behind.
- DiBiase pins Orton after Dream Street.
- After the match, Rhodes gives Orton a Crossrhodes, and both strike his signature pose.
Quick take: Orton getting the upper hand right out of the gate was excellent. I have no idea where this character is really going, and I like that. Everyone’s kinda going with the flow, which never really happens anymore. I was surprised we got a match of this length. I really have to wonder what the Mania plans are here. I’m so glad that this breakup has been this interesting. They could have let it fizzle, but they didn’t. A rarity. I liked the ending. A clean win, but it was more of the numbers game catching up to Orton. Them doing the pose was pretty awesome, too.

* WWE Champion Batista is backstage. Mathews comes up, and asks him what he thinks of Cena counting on him to get invovled in his match. He believes Cena is just paranoid, and says he will not get involved in the match.
Quick take: Too many lies? Too many lies?

* Triple H makes his way to the ring. He says he kinda respects what Sheamus did last week. If the tables had been turned, he probably would have done the same thing. Out comes Sheamus. Sheamus says he hasn’t even made his statement yet, and challenges him to a match at WrestleMania. Triple H says Sheamus has probably had the greatest first ywear in WWE history. All the accomplishments mean nothing until he makes a name for himself at WrestleMania. He made the same mistake when he challenged Ultimate Warrior, and had to work his way out of the hole he dug for himself. He is now the guy, the guy that people need to go through to make a name for themselves. The problem is, he’s turned back a whole lot of challengers. He says Sheamus has one shot at this. He can be something, or become nothing, and asks if Sheamus is sure. Sheamus takes a swing, and they begin to brawl. Hunter dumps Sheamus out of the ring, but Sheamus pulls him out. He miss the bicycle kick, and Triple H sends them both over the barricade. Sheamus tries to flee, but Triple H catches up, and they continue to fight. They get back in the ring, and Hunter wins the exchange with a spinebuster.
Quick take: I like the angle they took with this. It’s true. Hunter went up against Warrior and got buried much like he’s famous for doing these days. You gotta love Hunter at Mania, and not in a title match. Never happens. This is a good opportunity for Sheamus, and this seems like the first time in awhile where WWE appears ready to seriously push a new guy. Last time that felt like this was Punk, but even that was a little more gradual than this.

* Santino Marella is backstage with Angel. Santino performs a trick, but Angel is unimpressed. Now it’s Angel’s turn. Four empty cups and a sushi knife. He asks Santino to hide the knife under a cup. Angel smashes the three empty cups.
Quick take: Would have been cooler if he stabbed himself in the hand with the knife and acted like it didn’t hurt. MINDFREAK!

* William Regal (with Skip Sheffield) vs Evan Bourne by to qualify for Money in the Bank at WrestleMania 26
- Christian (with Heath Slater) sat in on commentary.
- Bourne wins with Air Bourne.
Quick take: I’m a Regal mark, but I was pulling for Evan. Glad he won. He should do some pretty crazy stuff in MITB. I can’t wait.

* Steve Austin will host Raw next week.
Quick take: Gimme a hell yeah!

* A recap of Bret Hart and Vince McMahon from last week airs

* Next week on Raw, it will be a WrestleMania rewind night. We will see Cena v Show, HBK v Chris Jericho, and Orton v Triple H.

* Justin Roberts introduces the guest host and guest ring announcer for the upcoming match, Criss Angel.

* John Cena vs Vince McMahon turns into a gauntlet match
- Before the match, McMahon addresses Bret Hart. He says the reality of the match tonight is that he’ll defeat Cena. This is no ordinary match. In fact, it’s a handicap gauntlet match.

* John Cena loses a handicap gauntlet match
- Cena’s opponents are Vladimir Kozlov, Intercontinental Champion Drew McIntyre, Jack Swagger, Mark Henry, and Batista. 
- McMahon adds the stipulation that it’s also no disqualification. Henry refuses to participate. Batista gives him a Spear. Out comes Kofi Kingston. He gets a Batista Bomb.
- McMahon pins Cena after a Batista Bomb.
Quick take: What was the point of that? Making everyone but Batista look bad? Fucking waste.

Mania looks good even if the shows leading up to it have been relatively flat.

Bottom line: 6/10

Cliff’s Weekly SmackDown Review: March 5, 2010

We were all set for Web to do the SmackDown review this week, but he got held up at work because “no” is not in his vocabulary unless the question is, “Do you want to go home early?” Have no fear. Cliff and his special guest to the rescue again.

* Edge makes his way to the ring. He is concerned about his WrestleMania opponent. Jericho keeps saying that he’s the best, and will win, but he keeps getting Speared. The same thing will keep happening. Out comes Unified WWE Tag Team Champion Big Show. They have a match tonight. Show says he is going to beat Edge, and Edge asks if he’s going to eat him. Edge fakes a Spear, and Show flinches. Show runs at Edge, but Edge ducks and Show goes sailing out of the ring.
Quick take: So good to have face Edge back. I have always found him funny, and now he’s getting the chance to show it. I guess I like that Show has his tag partner’s back. I prefer Miz, but you can’t do that two weeks in a row.
Second opinion: Hi, Edge! While bad breath jokes aren’t always funny, I thought this was. Just childish enough to work. I’d chant “Spear” if asked.

* GM Teddy Long is backstage with Intercontinental Champion Drew McIntyre. McIntyre asks Long to set the record straight about last week. Apparently, Vince McMahon has ordered Drew’s loss from last week expunged from the record. Therefore, Drew is still undefeated. Tonight, McIntyre has another MITB qualifier against Matt Hardy.
Quick take: I hate when they do that. We all saw you lost. Sigh. Can’t have Drew lose again, can you? Not unless you have another solid program for him.
Second opinion: Can you do that? Sports teams should do that. I would call for do overs on a lot of things. By the way, baby oil much?

* Matt Hardy (with Justin Gabriel) d. Intercontinental Champion Drew McIntyre by pinfall in a non-title match to qualify for Money in the Bank at WrestleMania 26
- Hardy wins with a rollup.
Quick take: I am in utter shock. Are you kidding me? Really? Drew has lost to two dudes who I didn’t even think would get Mania slots. Yikes. I have to assume he’ll be defending his IC title in some capacity. At least, I hope so. As for the match? Ehhh.
Second opinion: That match was kinda boring. I thought the point of getting rid of the loss was to have him win. Fooled me. Didn’t think I could be caught by surprise.

* John Morrison and Slam Master J are backstage checking out Morrison’s DVD. R-Truth comes in with David Otunga. Truth asks Otunga if they’re good now, and turns to Morrison. They’re annoyed Dolph Ziggler jacked their Mania spot. Right now, neither of them are going. Tonight, they’ll be in a match to earn a tag team title match.
Quick take: See, this kind of team could work. I think Morrison’s more suited for singles, but he keeps seeming to end up here. Why fight it? Now, will this be a Mania match?
Second opinion: Morrison’s really cute. Couldn’t get over it. A match with that rapping guy or something?

* Shelton Benjamin d. Dolph Ziggler by pinfall
- Benjamin wins with a botched Paydirt.
Quick take: I don’t remember the last time Dolph looked this good. Probably not since his feud with Rey or Morrison. Going to Mania obviously lit a fire under him as it should. Good. I’m all for new stars proving they belong, and Ziggler is showing me something. Botched the ending, though. It’s not a neckbreaker, Dolph.
Second opinion: Ziggler cracks me up. Who wears their hair like that? This match was actually fun to watch. The two of them are pretty quick, and did a lot of stuff I’ve never seen. Not that that’s saying a whole lot, but still.

* Ezekiel Jackson d. Jimmy Wang Yang by pinfall
- Zeke wins with a uranage slam.
Quick take: No ECW belt. Not even once. What a waste. Didn’t even mention it on commentary. I don’t always like squashes, but Yang made Zeke look like an absolute monster. Very cool.
Second opinion: Hey, an Asian guy! That big black dude is beyond freakish. I can’t imagine how much gym time you’d need. Cliff said “monster” and that seems accurate. Insane.

* Rey Mysterio is backstage with his daughter and Tiffany. He’s gotta go face Luke Gallows, but first gets a blessing.
Quick take: Adorable. And it looks like Tiffany is the new Maria. SIGH.
Second opinion: Aw! I’d like to see more of them being normal like that. How cute.

* Rey Mysterio d. Luke Gallows (with The Straight Edge Society) by pinfall
- Before the match, CM Punk gets on the mic. He says Rey’s popularity is due to the fact that parents cannot be proper role models for their children. They think Rey is a superhero, but that is far from the truth. They are all cowards like Rey Mysterio. Rey is scared of him, and is avoiding him. He has stripped him of his right to go to WrestleMania. He forgives Luke. He wants Luke to make Rey answer and pay for his actions.
- Mysterio wins by reversing a powerbomb into a pin.
- After the match, Punk tries to attack Rey, but he fails. Rey gets away.
Quick take: Another killer promo from Punk. He delivers every time. I like the slow build for Punk and Rey. It’s different every week, so it doesn’t get old. Do I look forward to their eventual big match? Hell yes. As for the one we just saw, it is obvious Luke is quite a talent. This is a good stable. Great match.
Second opinion: I see what they’re doing now. This Punk is like the crazy dude who lectures from a street corner. It is pretty obvious Punk and Rey will fight at some point down the line. Maybe WrestleMania? They’re both free, right? Like Cliff says, “Book it!” This match was pretty good, too. Very even.

* Big Show is backstage with World Heavyweight Champion Chris Jericho. Jericho butters him up before telling Show to destroy Edge. He owes it to him. Show says he’s not doing anything for Jericho.
Quick take: Poor Jericho.
Second opinion: Like an old married couple.

* Raw Rebound: HBK-Taker II, Triple H-Sheamus I

* John Morrison and R-Truth d. The Hart Dynasty (with Natalya) and Cryme Tyme in a triple threat match to qualify for a Unified WWE Tag Team Championship match at WrestleMania 26
- Truth pins Kidd after the Lie Detector.
Quick take: Knew the Harts wouldn’t win as you wouldn’t do 2 heel teams facing each other. Cryme Tyme has fizzled. It left one, and the most obvious option. Sigh. Took all the suspense out of the match for me. I wonder if this will be the dark match like it was last year. I hope not Miz and Morrison at the very least have at least earned an undercard spot. Come on now.
Second opinion: I had Morrison all the way. Happy when he won. Cliff told me it would be a big deal if the tag titles were defended on the big show because it hasn’t happened in a few years. Why is that?

* Vickie Guerrero is backstage with Women’s Champion Michelle McCool and Layla. They’re all gloating about how they beat Mickie James last week. Michelle and Layla also suck up to Vickie. They got her a gift, her own Simply Flawless shirt. Up comes Beth Phoenix. Michelle and Layla leave. beth asks when she’ll get a shot at the Women’s title. Vickie shuts her down.
Quick take: That was awful until Beth showed up. Get some, Beth. She was smoldering.
Second opinion: How freaking annoying was that? Yikes. I liked the last girl. Judging by his audible gasp, Cliff does too.

* Edge d. Unified WWE Tag Team Champion Big Show by pinfall
- Edge wins with a Spear.
- After the match, Jericho tries to attack, but Edge has a Spear waiting for him.
Quick take: Still getting used to the Edge face reaction. Show seems like a great guy. I wouldn’t mind hanging out with him. What I don’t want to do is watch him in the ring for more than 5 minutes. Sluggish match, and almost surprised by a clean win. I mean, gotta push the #1 contender for the main event, I guess. Hey, another Spear for Jericho. Thanks for coming, Chris.
Second opinion: I wonder how a guy that big gets through life, you know? There can’t be much that he can fit in whether it’s clothes, chairs, or buildings. It’s almost sad when you think about it. Anyway, Edge won. I’m happy. Match wasn’t fun or anything, but I liked the ending, and that’s all you tend to remember anyway.

Not a great show, but not bad. My only criticism is that it didn’t quite feel important enough. Just sort of happened. I hate that. Not that I need mega happenings each week, but this didn’t advance things as far as I’d like.

Bottom line: 7.5/10
How does Cliff do this four times every week? I don’t honestly know if I have any more of these in me. I wouldn’t say it’s a chore, but it’s an awful lot week in and week out. I don’t know whether to be astonished, critical, or worried. Probably all three.

Cliff’s Weekly Superstars Review: March 4, 2010

* Kofi Kingston d. Chavo Guerrero by pinfall
- Kingston beats Chavo with Trouble in Paradise.
Quick take: Blood! I am offended! That’s so gross, Chavo! I just get annoyed that Kofi is spinning his wheels. I believe in him even if none of the powers that be appear to at the moment. Fun to watch, isn’t he?

* Evan Bourne d. William Regal by pinfall
- Bourne wins with Air Bourne.
Quick take: Bourne and Regal are fun to watch on their own, but not in the ring together for whatever reason. Didn’t care for the matchup, but at least it’s TV time for two deserving guys.

* Kane d. Mike Knox by pinfall
- Kane wins with a Chokeslam.
Quick take: Two guys I have no interest in seeing ever. Guess what I thought of the match?

* World Heavyweight Champion Chris Jericho d. Goldust by submission in a non-title match
- Goldust submits to the Walls of Jericho.
Quick take: I’ll watch Jericho do just about anything to be honest. I don’t even like Goldust, but this ended up being relatively watchable. How he survived the cuts is beyond me, but good for him. Don’t know why he’s not on Raw as that seems better for him. Oh well. Go, Jericho, go.

Meh. Superstars is pretty pointless aside from getting TV time to everyone. Perhaps there’s no point in reviewing it and scoring it. I don’t know.

Bottom line: 6/10

Cliff’s Weekly Raw Review: March 1, 2010

Who’s ready for a special guest? :D

* Shawn Michaels makes his way to the ring. He says everyone in the locker room thinks he’s crazy for putting his career on the line against The Undertaker at WrestleMania. He’s been alienated, and knows no one believes in him. While Taker’s streak is 17-0, no one has given him a run for his money like he has, and is Mr. WrestleMania. He wants everyone who doesn’t believe in him to come out and tell him he can’t win. Out comes Triple H. He says he doesn’t think Shawn can beat Taker at WrestleMania, he knows it. Hunter has wrestled against everyone in his career, and says Shawn is the best he’s ever been in the ring with. Every year, the road to WrestleMania takes them down different paths, and while DX will never die, it’s going to be a long time for the fans to see them together in the ring again. He has invoked DX’s rematch clause against Big Show and The Miz for tonight for the Unified Tag Team Championship. HBK seems to be about to decline, but Triple H cuts him off. Hunter reminds him that they wouldn’t have to defend for 30 days, and says they will throw a celebration for Shawn on the Raw after WrestleMania. This isn’t about the tag team championship, it’s about a belief in his friend. He asks Shawn what he believes. Shawn believes they have some tag titles to win tonight.
Quick take: I am always in the mood for HBK. He’s the best, I’m telling you. I may not like that we’re doing the WrestleMania rematch, but I respect a good story when I see it. I marked when Triple H came out because I wanted the immediate heel turn. Didn’t happen here, but I will not be shocked to see it if it happens later on in the night. IT’S A TRAP!
Second opinion: Cliff reiterated that Shawn is his favorite. I’m just waiting for Orton. Anyway, I liked the video package. Clued me in to what I missed last week. That’s the whole point, right? Cliff said these two guys are a tag team, and then they backed him up. He knows too much.

* We’re backstage with Cheech and Chong. In come The Bellas to welcome them into WWE. They all agree it’s time for a tour, but Chong stays behind. Hornswoggle comes in with some Lucky Charms. They eat them, and Chong starts tripping balls.
Quick take: SIGH. Maria > Bellas.
Second opinion: I loved Chong when he was on That 70’s Show. Man, I miss that show.

* Randy Orton d. Ted DiBiase by disqualification
- Cody Rhodes comes out during the match, and interferes. Ted and Cody double team Orton.  Orton fights them off.
Quick take: I  have to wonder what the Mania implications for this storyline are. A triple threat, maybe? Or will it be one-on-one with the odd man out heading to MITB? Seems more likely. This got a lot of time, which I had no problem with. I figured they needed a good matchup in order to generate interest in a potential rematch down the road. Judging by the ending, I sense a triple threat or handicap match at WrestleMania. Very interesting that Orton is the face, but it makes sense since he’s outnumbered.
Second opinion: Have I mentioned I find Randy Orton super attractive? He is incredible. I was really pulling for him even though Cliff said there wasn’t really much point to the match. I said it doesn’t always have to be for a shiny belt, and he got quiet. Did I win a wrestling argument? I liked the part where Orton stomped on every body part of the Ted guy. Now that’s how you win a fight. His meltdown facial expressions are amazing. I liked that Randy fought both off them off. What a man!

* Backstage, Bret Hart is arriving in a limo. He’s in a cast, and uses a crutch to walk.

* Chong is still tripping, and is giving Eve a rubdown. He wants to see a Diva Pajama Pillow Fight. Cheech asks if Chong has been eating the cereal. He shouldn’t because he’s diabetic. Turns out “Eve” was William Regal the whole time. We also have some Kelly Kelly/Chris Masters confusion.
Quick take: Eve was really into that segment for the short time she was in it. It was pretty awesome. Then, it was revealed to be Regal, and it was not so awesome.
Second opinion: Cliff enjoyed that until it turned out the hot chick was a dude. That was funny.

* Recap of the Cena/Batista shenanigans

* Jack Swagger d. Santino Marella by pinfall to qualify for Money in the Bank at WrestleMania 26
- Swagger wins with a gutwrench powerbomb.
Quick take: I wanted Swagger to win SO BADLY. When his opponent was revealed to be Santino, I recoiled in horror. SWAGGER IS GOING TO WRESTLEMANIA! That was short, sweet, and terrific. Fuck you, Santino!
Second opinion: Not sure who calls themselves Swagger, but I liked him immediately. Don’t know why. Cliff swore loudly when the Italian guy came out. Glad he didn’t win as that could have gotten pretty ugly. That was short. What gives?

* WWE Champion Batista is backstage, flanked by security.

* John Cena makes his way to the ring. He says he’s been told Batista stole the WWE Championship from him at Elimination Chamber. He disagrees, and says it was just business. It’s not the first time it’s happened to him, and it won’t be the last. Last week on Raw, it became personal when Batista attacked him to the point where he couldn’t fight back. He wants to know why. The silver lining in all this is that he has a main event match at WrestleMania. That said, he wants his payback, and he wants it now. Out comes Batista and his personal security force. Batista says security is there to protect Cena, not him. Cena tries to goad him into the ring to no avail. Batista says he wants to face Cena at WrestleMania. Though they came into the business and rose to the top together, they couldn’t be more different. He says the two of them are the biggest stars of the post-Attitude Era. For whatever reason, WWE has labeled Cena as “the man.” While the torch was passed from Stone Cold to Cena, Batista believes it should have been him. He did what he did for 2 reasons: 1) to prove he’s the better man at WrestleMania and 2) he hates Cena. Period. Cena can’t believe that’s what this is all about. Cena says they’re different because he works his butt off while Batista appears to not care less. Cena gives it all for the business while Batista expects the business to give it all to him. Batista agrees. He’s not in it for the fans, he’s in it for money and titles. Every time they’re in the ring together, bad things happen to Cena. He says Cena can’t beat him, and that deep down, Cena knows it.
Quick take: That was loads better than I was anticipating. Batista finally showed the first hints at possessing some real mic skills. They have picked precisely the right angle to take on this. You wouldn’t think this would be good, but it really is. The workrate might not be stellar when all is said and done, but the buildup is very solid.
Second opinion: Cliff likes Cena more than he lets on. He mentioned it’s not cool to like Cena, but why should that matter? Would you stop cheering for a team just because it’s not popular to like them? I don’t understand how that works. Professional jealousy in a wrestling ring? I think that’s interesting. Makes them seem more human.

* Cheech and Chong are still tripping backstage. Chavo Guerrero is now hanging out with them. Primo and Carlito are there, too. Throw in some Katie Lea for good measure. Hey look, it’s Yoshi Tatsu. Cheech asks if we want to know how Lost ends. He is interrupted by a chicken with Santino’s voice. Divas in pajamas are up next.
Quick take: Mustaches for everyone! Even Katie Lea? Sure, why not. Who cares, anyway?
Second opinion: I have nothing to say. Why is everyone wearing a mustache?

* MVP d. Zack Ryder (with Rosa Mendes) by pinfall to qualify for Money in the Bank at WrestleMania 26
- MVP wins with a Playmaker.
Quick take: Dammit, pulling for Zack. There goes MVP v Miz at WrestleMania, eh? That’s too bad. Feel like that could have been pretty good. A gigantic waste, if you ask me. I don’t want to see Miz in MITB, but it looks like that’s happening, I guess.
Second opinion: Who wears half tights? That’s really weird. Another short match. If this match at the big show is supposed to be important, why aren’t the matches to get to it a bigger deal?

* Justin Roberts introduces tonight’s guest hosts, Cheech and Chong. They’re here to introduce the Diva Pajama Pillow Fight.
Quick take: Low Rider? Fuck yeah.
Second opinion: I’ve always hated that song. Can you make marijuana references on a show intended for kids? I didn’t think so.

* Eve d. Kelly Kelly, Gail Kim, Alicia Fox, Jillian, and Divas Champion Maryse in a Diva Pajama Pillow Fight
- Eve pins Alicia after a rolling senton.
- After the match, Hornswoggle comes out with more cereal.
Quick take: I see the Divas division has become an excuse to post themed photoshoots on WWE.com once a week now. You know what? I fucking approve. SO HARD. Was this every girl for herself? So confusing. And really freaking hot. Eve won. Yay, I guess. That was too short. Guess who overdid the cereal joke? WWE did!
Second opinion: I may have to glue Cliff’s jaw shut. I almost feel inadequate, but he reassured me I’m still #1. As a woman, I guess I could see how this is kind of degrading, but it’s all in the name of entertainment, right? How does one win a pillow fight, exactly?

* Mad Dog Vachon is the newest inductee into the WWE Hall of Fame.

* Roberts introduces Bret Hart, but Vince McMahon comes out. He then introduces Hart. McMahon wants Hart to exonerate him of all responsibility from his accident. Hart doesn’t know if that’s true, but does know that Vince has treated him like crap since he came back. He asks Vince to leave. Vince says he lied, and that this isn’t about giving Bret a proper farewell. He admits that he screwed Bret this time. Vince asks if Bret challenged him to a match at WrestleMania. Bret admits he did, but is currently incapacitated. Vince says Bret came back in order to fight Vince. Vince tries to goad him into fighting him at WrestleMania. Bret says he can’t wrestle because he has a broken leg. Vince calls him a coward. He kicks out Bret’s crutch from under him. He continues to mock Bret. Bret’s had enough, and says if Vince wants a match, he’s got it. Vince says he’s going to be in a match next week on Raw. His opponent will be John Cena.
Quick take; You knew that’s what would happen, and it did. This may have gone on a bit long, but it was still interesting to watch. Vince might be at the top of his game right now. As for Vince vs Cena, um what? My favorite part of all that was the reflection in Bret’s glasses. That’s the closest we’ll get to seeing what it’s like to be in the ring across from Vince.
Second opinion: His leg is obviously not broken, but you all knew that right? Still, acting can’t be easy when you have to pretend to only have one good leg. That dragged if you ask me. You could have shortened that by a considerable amount, and still gotten the job done. Just call him a coward, and kick the crutch. Easy.

* ShoMiz d. DX by pinfall to retain the Unified WWE Tag Team Championship
- During the match, Taker appears on the big video screen. He just does the eye roll, but HBK is distracted. Miz beats him with a jackknife cover.
- After the match, HBK leaves in a huff. Triple H is alone in the ring where he is attacked by Sheamus.
Quick take: I could not believe we cut to commercial at 10:57. Seriously? Did not like that Miz became pretty much an afterthought on this episode of Raw. Bullshit. Weak ending, too. Would have been so much better if Taker appeared on the ramp or something. A video of eye rolling? No thank you. I also didn’t get my Triple H heel turn. Annoyed. And now we see that the Sheamus v Triple H rumors were true. Triple H in a non-title feud. What the hell is going on?
Second opinion: Two teams not dressed like teams. Weird. It’s funny because it’s The Miz. I will never get over this. What a weird ending. Is an eye roll all that scary? Where the hell did that pale ginger come from? Not like he could hide easily, looking like that. You know what I think? TOO MANY LIES, TOO MANY LIES. Cliff played that in the car the other day. A good time was had by all. It’s our new inside joke that no one gets.

The stuff that needed to be important was. The stuff that didn’t matter was treated like the garbage it was. That’s all you need to know.

Bottom line: 7.5/10
Second opinion: Not as good as that other Raw I saw, but I thought Orton and the Cena and Batista guy were terrific. The rest was just there for me.

Cliff’s Weekly SmackDown Review: February 26, 2010

Web should be back in action next week.

* Tony Chimel introduces World Heavyweight Champion Chris Jericho. After months of fighting to make his way, he has finally returned to the top of the business. Edge ruined his celebration on Raw. Out comes Edge. Edge congratulates Jericho on winning, but goes on to say that he really enjoys giving Jericho a Spear. He thinks he’s starting to get into Jericho’s head. He wants Jericho at his best at WrestleMania. Jericho says Edge will never Spear him again. He punches Edge, but misses a Codebreaker. Spear by Edge.
Quick take: That was fun. Edge and Jericho in the same ring is magic. The act is getting a little repetitive, so I hope Jericho begins to gain some sort of footing. Otherwise, they’ll lose some serious momentum.

* Dolph Ziggler d. John Morrison and R-Truth (with David Otunga) in a triple threat match to qualify for Money in the Bank at WrestleMania 26
- Ziggler pins Truth after Morrison hits Starship Pain. He pulls Morrison off of the pin, and out of the ring to steal it.
Quick take: Morrison was my pick to win MITB this year. What the fuck just happened? Ziggler? ZIGGLER? Seriously? I mean, I like him, but wow. Of the 3 in this match, I thought he was least likely to qualify. What the hell will Truth and Morrison do at Mania instead? One could argue they’re both worthier than Dolph. I’m still kind of in shock over the whole deal. The match itself was decent. I figured the 3 of them would pull out some cool spots, but they didn’t do anything mindblowing.

* HBK v Taker II video package

* Michelle McCool (with Layla) d. Mickie James by pinfall to become the NEW Women’s Champion
- Vickie Guerrero served as special referee.
- Mickie has Michelle in a rollup, but Vickie slaps her across the face. This allows Michelle to hit her with a superkick to pick up the win.
Quick take: Argh. This whole situation is annoying. Is this storyline going to stretch until WrestleMania? I see no need to do yet another title change like this. What’s so special about Michelle anyway? Yes, she’s better than probably 3/4 of the women’s talent, but come on. This is ridiculous. I guess if it paves the way for Beth Phoenix, I can get behind it.

* Kane d. Intercontinental Champion Drew McIntyre by pinfall in a non-title match to qualify for Money in the Bank at WrestleMania 26
- Before the match, Drew reminds us that he’s undefeated. No one has beaten him, not even Kane. After he wins tonight, he’ll go on to win Money in the Bank, and will cash in that same night to fulfill the prophecy.
- Kane wins when McIntyre goes for a rollup, but reverses it with a kick to the head.
Quick take: Another dubious booking decision. This is how we end McIntyre’s streak? Really? What an unceremonious end, and to KANE of all people. Terrible, in my opinion. Granted, I like that this allows the IC title to be defended at Mania, but at least have Drew DQ himself or something. I am annoyed. Not much of a match, either.

* Unified WWE Tag Team Champion and United States Champion The Miz makes his way to the ring. He can’t believe he doesn’t have a match at WrestleMania, and demands Teddy Long find him a suitable tag team opponent for the show. He wants to have his moment because he’s The Miz, and he’s awesome. Out comes T Lo. Long says if Big Show was here tonight, they’d have their title match tonight. Since Miz is here, though, Long elects to put him in singles action. His opponent is Edge.
Quick take: Miz didn’t get enough promo time. I like that he’s getting built, though. Finally, a new star is ready to take the next step. Edge v Miz? That’s…awesome.

* Shelton Benjamin d. CM Punk (with The Straight Edge Society) by pinfall to qualify for Money in the Bank at WrestleMania 26 
- Shelton beats Punk with a Paydirt after Punk is distracted momentarily by an interfering Rey Mysterio. Mysterio attacked Gallows on the outside.
Quick take: Glad Shelton has landed on SmackDown. At least someone from ECW did. Going in, you had to think MITB would look very different without one of these two guys. They’re always in it. I wanted this to be a good matchup, and was glad it got some time. Finally, Punk gets to move on from being MITB. This, more than anything, is a sign he’s come into his own in WWE. I think he’ll actually be in a singles match. I’m thrilled for the prospect of this, actually. Punk v Mysterio anyone?

* Raw Rebound: Cena and Batista be playin’ the feud

* Edge d. Unified WWE Tag Team Champion and United States Champion The Miz by pinfall in a non-title match
- Edge wins with a Spear.
Quick take: I thought this had potential to be fun to watch. Always nice to see Edge back, and Miz has quickly become a force in WWE. He’s even main eventing SmackDown now. Wow. I feel like the pacing of matches in WWE has picked up lately. Everyone’s pushing to get through Mania. I like it. Makes it easier to watch. Decent match. Nothing spectacular, but I liked the matchup. Great to see Edge hit a load up Spear. It’s been far too long.

I like that it looks like not much happened, but a lot actually did. Matches instead of filler. What a concept.

Bottom line: 7.75/10. I didn’t like all the booking decisions, but it was still a solid show.

Cliff’s Weekly Superstars Review: February 25, 2010

* Jack Swagger and William Regal d. Santino Marella and Chris Masters (with Eve) by pinfall
- Swagger pins Masters after a gutwrench powerbomb.
Quick take: Watching Regal during Swagger’s entrance was amazing. He was so bemused by the whole thing. See what happens when Santino actually wrestles? He’s almost bearable. I wonder if they’ll put Regal with Swagger just like when he was with Zeke. It worked for Zeke, and maybe Swagger would benefit from the rub. Boy, did the crowd die when Masters got in there. Not good for him. I like that Swagger picked up the win. Unexpected surprise to say the least.

* Zack Ryder (with Rosa Mendes) d. Primo by pinfall
- Ryder wins with the Zack Attack.
Quick take: Ryder lost all steam when they paired him with Rosa. This does nothing for me. Looks like Ryder dyed his hair. Why did I notice? I like the re-emergence of Ryder’s vicious streak. It’s been MIA for quite some time. He’d do well to strengthen up on Superstars. Have him wrestle without wasting him in a meaningless feud. A relatively fun match, I guess. Not enough offense out of Primo.

* WWE NXT recap

* Luke Gallows (with Serena) d. Sylas Young by pinfall
- Before the match, Gallows says he’d like to dedicate the match to CM Punk. He and Serena are living proof that the Straight Edge way is the right way.
- Gallows ends the squash with the Twelfth Step.
- After the match, Serena kicks Young in the ribs.
Quick take: I was thrown when Gallows didn’t come out to Punk’s music. Odd choice. For once, I had no problem with the squash. It’s good for us to see Gallows can function on his own. I’d like to see Serena in the ring, too. I wonder how the breakup storyline will unfold. He becomes the face there? I have a feeling they won’t be able to come up with a solution, and it will just sort of unceremoniously end one day. Sigh.

* Raw Rebound: Batista > Cena?

* The HBK v Taker II video package airs

* The Hart Dynasty d. Maria, Matt Hardy, and The Great Khali (with Ranjin Singh) by pinfall
- Kidd pins Matt after a springboard Hart Attack.
Quick take: More Maria and more Natalya works for me. Doesn’t even bother me that we got this exact match this past Friday. I like that Matt went back to the old school pants. He looks way better that way. I liked the match, but it was pretty short. This was due to all the video packages they aired throughout the show. Once again, Raw reigns supreme over wrestling. What can you do?

Bah. Not enough wrestling. The past few weeks have had some really fun matches. Let’s get back to that formula.

Bottom line: 5.75/10

Cliff’s Weekly Raw Review: February 22, 2010

Once again joined by my special guest. Her comments in italics. I bolded mine. Take that!

* Guest hosts Jewel and Ty Murray
Second opinion: Is that a mechanical bull? What? Also, what’s the point of a guest host? Do they participate in matches or something? I don’t get it. I know I wouldn’t tune in to see a celeb even if they were in my favorite band or TV show or whatever. Stupid if you ask me.

* Justin Roberts introduces the World Heavyweight Champion Chris Jericho. He proclaims that he’s going to WrestleMania, and is the true face of the WWE. He has now beaten The Undertaker twice in a row, and is officially the best in the world at what he does. Out comes Edge. He doesn’t do a normal entrance. He comes through the crowd, and gives Jericho a Spear. He officially challenges Jericho to a match at WrestleMania.
Quick take: THAT WAS AWESOME. I LOVED EVERYTHING ABOUT IT. Jericho is awesome. Edge is awesome. That was awesome. Did I pee myself? MAYBE!
Second opinion: That was the cockiest and most joyful speech I’ve ever seen. How entertaining. Hey, it’s Edge! Ooo! I like both of those guys. That should be good. When is WrestleMania? Cliff said “This is awesome” and “That was awesome” about 50 times. It was funny.

* John Cena makes his way to the ring. He says we can add him to the list of people Vince McMahon has screwed. He was champion until Vince took it away. He gets a rematch, and he wants it right now. Out comes McMahon. He says he made a business deal with Batista to take out Bret Hart. In exchange, he had a WWE Championship match anytime he wanted it. He blames it all on Cena. McMahon informs Cena that Batista will not be defending his title until he gets to WrestleMania. He also states that Sheamus is also due a rematch. There will be a match tonight. If Cena wins, he gets his Mania match. If he loses, the match goes to Sheamus, and Cena will not be on WrestleMania at all. Cena wants to know who his opponent is, but he accepts anyway. His opponent will be Batista. 
Quick take: Getting right into it. No commercials or stupid vignettes. Let’s DO THIS. Vince has his fire back now. I like it. Cena and Vince going back and forth was fun. This should have happened sooner. Why they are doing Cena v Batista in a non-title capacity right now, I do not know. Still, an excellent segment.
Second opinion: I was thrown by lack of downtime, and spoiled by the fact that Raw started with two SmackDown guys who I have grown a little familiar with. Cena got all hot and bothered. Wow. Very convincing. That was a lot of fun. How can you not be pumped now? I don’t even like wrestling, and I’m ready to go!

* Maryse d. Gail Kim by pinfall to become the NEW Divas Champion
- Maryse wins with a Hot Shot and French Kiss DDT.
Quick take: The match we should have gotten last night. Should isn’t the right word. The match I thought I was getting last night. Still bad. Still really bad. And the wrong Diva went over. I like Maryse somewhat, but I don’t agree with this at all.
Second opinion: Maryse is one fierce bitch. I don’t often get jealous, but I’d like to live one day as her. I know I shouldn’t say this as a woman, but I’d rather not see them wrestle. They’re obviously not very good. I feel bad for Gail.

* Ty Murray is backstage with The Bellas. Jewel is hanging out with Eve and Kelly Kelly. Everyone’s excited about the Diva bullriding competition. Jillian and Alicia Fox come in. Jillian sings one of Jewel’s songs. Jewel slaps her across the face.
Quick take: Right.
Second opinion: What just happened? How often do we waste time like that?

* Randy Orton and Cody Rhodes are backstage. Cody says the pipe was intended for Orton, not Ted. He throws Ted under the bus. They have a 6-man tag match tonight. Orton blames only himself for what happened. He wants to show everyone that they’re all on the same page. They’ve come too far to fall apart now. Orton tells Cody to relay the message that he’s sorry to Ted. He leaves, and Ted comes in. He asks how it went. Cody says it went almost too well. Ted asks if they’re sticking to the plan, and Cody says absolutely.
Quick take: Somebody’s lying. I like this, though. Ready for the Orton turn. I liked that Cody and Ted continued behind Orton’s back. This has been very well put together so far.
Second opinion: RANDY! Wow wow wow! He is incredibly good looking. Aw, I hope they don’t beat him up unfairly. Not cool guys.

* Kofi Kingston, Evan Bourne, and Yoshi Tatsu d. Legacy by pinfall
- Orton hits Cody with a Spike DDT, and RKOs Ted. He then walks out. Bourne pins Cody after Air Bourne.
Quick take: Yoshi on Raw, eh? I guess that works. I think Evan and Kofi would make for a kickass team. Cody mocking Evan’s taunt was hilarious. I thought this match was solid. 6 decently abled guys going at it is never a bad idea. I am just a huge Orton fan right now. I’ve marked for him before, but he’s gone to another level lately. I lost it when he DDTd Cody, and then RKOd Ted. Marked right along with the crowd. I cannot WAIT to see where this goes next. I am as invested in this as any other story going right now.
Second opinion: Cliff went nuts when Cody put up the peace sign. Said something about stealing taunts. How is a peace sign a taunt? I only know Randy, and I sorta recognize a few of the other guys from last night. Commercials in the middle of a match takes some getting used to. What if we missed something? I believe the one named Evan is made of rubber. You’re not supposed to bend in the ways he was bending. Not nearly enough Randy in the match. Randy struck first! Yay! Teach you to mess with him. Did you see the ending? WHOA!

* Undertaker v HBK video package
Quick take: Good times, good times. The build for this has been stellar even if I don’t want to see it happen again.
Second opinion: That was neat. Cliff said he was there live for that match. He seems pretty proud of that fact.

* Shawn Michaels makes his way to the ring. His reasons for his actions are not that complicated. He did what he had, and needed, to do. He understands that there will likely be consequences for his actions, but he’s ready. In fact, he’s counting on it. Out comes The Undertaker. Taker says Shawn now has his full attention. Shawn says he made one mistake last year, and it cost him everything. He can’t live with it. Shawn says Taker can have his revenge at WrestleMania. Taker accepts the challenge. There is, however, one condition. HBK has to put up something as well. His soul won’t be enough. If Shawn wins, The Streak ends. If Taker wins, Shawn’s career is over. Shawn accepts.
Quick take: Interesting reaction for Shawn. I was hyped for this. Oh shit! Taker’s in his serious man garb. Look out! It’s on. Yay? Takes away from my experience last year. It really does. OH NO! CAREER? DON’T GO, SHAWN!
Second opinion: I don’t believe that’s what this old guy has been wearing the whole time. Why change apparel now? How many other wrestlers are named after professions, anyway? My ear still hurts from Cliff yelling out, “NO!” when it was determined that the career was up for grabs. He is visibly disturbed. If I ever doubted his fandom, I couldn’t after seeing that.

* Christian d. Carlito by pinfall to qualify for Money in the Bank
- Christian wins with a Killswitch.
Quick take: Christian in MITB again. Better than nothing, I guess. I can’t believe he’ll be permanently on Raw. A sad waste.
Second opinion: Cliff told me he really likes Christian. I can see why. He looks good, and though I’m not a good judge, I think he’s a good wrestler, I guess. I don’t want to see what happens when I disagree with him on the thing he cares about most! ;)

* Eve, Kelly Kelly, and The Bella Twins compete in a Diva Bullriding Contest. Miz and Big Show interrupt. They feel they are more important than a mechanical bull. Show then rides the bull. He, naturally, doesn’t do very well. He then tries to punch the bull. Nothing doing. Murray informs them that they’ll be defending the tag titles against Mark Henry and MVP.
Quick take: That sucked up until the epic Colts burn, and Show riding the bull. Another tag defense. Whoopee.
Second opinion: Girls in skimpy outfits. Cliff’s favorite, right? Sorry, but this was pretty stupid.

* The Miz and Big Show d. MVP and Mark Henry by pinfall to retain the WWE Unified Tag Team Championship
- Show pins Henry after a KO Punch.
Quick take: I see the need for a feud like this, but I don’t think this team matchup is good. MVP v Miz? Yes. The two teams? Not as much. Looks good on paper, but you have to remember it involves Show and Henry in the ring. Mercifully short. Let’s get to our main event, shall we?
Second opinion: Why is the really big guy all taped up? Cliff called the dreadlocked guy “Kool Aid Man.” That works. He can be creative sometimes. As for the match, not the best I’ve seen. After that cage and all that, I expect more.

* Wendi Richter is revealed as the next inductee in the Hall of Fame

* Bret Hart accident recap
Quick take: Filler. I see the point, but I don’t want to see this 40 times.
Second opinion: I don’t even watch all that much, and feel like I’ve seen this too much.

* McMahon is backstage, on camera. He says he was considering facing Hart at WrestleMania. He states he had nothing to do with that accident. He invites Bret to come back next week for one last opportunity to say goodbye.
Quick take: To quote dear old Admiral Ackbar, “IT’S A TRAP!”

* John Cena d. WWE Champion Batista by disqualification in a non-title match; as a result, it will be Cena vs Batista at WrestleMania
- Batista is disqualified for a low blow.
- After the match, Batista beats up Cena for a little bit before walking away. Cena begins to get up, and Batista loses it. Batista sends him into the ringpost and then the retaining wall. A Spinebuster into the ringpost on the outside follows. He grabs a chair, and hits Cena over the back with it. He does it again when Cena moves to get up. Again, Cena tries to get up, and gets a 3rd chair shot for his troubles. We do it a 4th time. Satisfed, Batista finally walks away.
Quick take: Well, we didn’t even have entrances until right around 11PM, so my expectations weren’t exactly soaring. Batitsta’s entrance could not have been more agonizing. I hate him, which means it’s working. Finally, a heel that even a smark can’t get behind. At least I didn’t have to wait long to see what happened. Epic waste. Mega eye rolls from me. That is, until, the chair shots. That was reminiscent of Dreamer and Sandman from eons ago, only a lot less hardcore. Still, Batista is a pretty solid heel.
Second opinion: I wanted Cena to win because I know who he is. Cliff told me he kinda had to win, and I didn’t see why. Well, that didn’t take very long, did it? This had been pretty good until about the last half hour or so. Really fell apart. That ending was hard to watch. Part of that has to be at least a little real, I think. Hard to fake a metal chair.

An excellent offering of Raw. Eliminate the Divas riding bulls, and it was about perfect.

Bottom line: 9/10
That was a lot of fun. Still have to say I prefer SmackDown, though. Unless we keep doing crossovers. I guess I’m open to watching both. Uh oh.