Pay-Per-View Review: Hell in a Cell

Don’t hit me, I’m crazy

Results:

* The Undertaker d. CM Punk by pinfall in a Hell in a Cell match to become the NEW World Heavyweight Champion
- Taker wins after a Chokeslam and Tombstone Piledriver.

* John Morrison d. Dolph Ziggler by pinfall to retain the Intercontinental Championship
- Morrison wins with Starship Pain.

* Josh Matthews is backstage with Batista and Rey Mysterio. They hype up their match with JeriShow, saying they’ll be the next Unified Tag Team Champions.

* Mickie James d. Alicia Fox by pinfall to retain the Divas Championship
- Mickie beats Alicia with the Implant DDT.

* JeriShow d. Batista and Rey Mysterio by pinfall to retain the Unified WWE Tag Team Championship
- Show pins Mysterio after a KO Punch.

* Randy Orton d. John Cena by pinfall in a Hell in a Cell match to become the NEW WWE Champion
- Orton wins with a Punt.

* Josh Matthews is backstage with R-Truth. Truth wants to see what Drew McIntyre is really made of. He’s tired of being disrespected.

* Drew McIntyre d. R-Truth by pinfall
- McIntyre wins with a Double Underhook DDT.

* Randy Orton is backstage. Legacy comes up. They congratulate him. Orton says they have no idea what they’re in for.

* Kofi Kingston d. The Miz and Jack Swagger in a triple threat match to retain the United States Championship
- Before the match, Miz cuts a promo. He will become US Champ, but he has to do it in Newark, New Jersey, unfortunately. He is the Miz, and he is awesome.
- Swagger hits the gutwrench on Miz, but Kofi hits Swagger with Trouble in Paradise. He then covers Miz for the win.

* DX d. Legacy by pinfall in a Hell in a Cell match
- During the match, Triple H gets locked outside the Cell. He comes back with bolt cutters, and then proceeds to lock DiBiase out of the Cell.
- Shawn pins Cody after a Sweet Chin Music and a sledgehammer shot.
- After the match, DX continue to beat up Legacy.

My thoughts:

Set/Opening
- Chain link-themed set. Natch.
- Oooo. Cell over the ring. Intimidating. Too bad we’ll see it 3 times.
- The logos on the table are too big now. A small rectangle was enough. They don’t need to take up the whole top cover portion.
- Opening with a video package? Good Lord. Are we OPENING with a Cell match? And Punk-Taker? WHAT?
- Long ass package. This has been a good feud so far.

Taker v Punk
- I can NOT BELIEVE this is the opening contest.
- Decent heat for Punk.
- I guess this is like opening with a Chamber match. But at least open with DX-Legacy. Sheesh.
- If Punk retains, I might buy his shirt even though I have NO money.
- Ha. Taker’s screen messed up. It was green. Not scary.
- I do like how Taker closes the door behind him. Too bad it had to be padlocked afterward. Takes away some of the effect.
- Good. Not a one move wonder. Was afraid it might be.
- Cell as a weapon alert! I’ll only do that this once. Unless they bust through, of course.
- Or if they bleed. But, c’mon, that shit ain’t happening.
- Dueling chants. Always fun. Glad not everyone is a moron, and can cheer for Punk.
- Taker sells injuries about as well as anyone. Of course, there’s a chance his knee really is shot, too.
- The logo on Taker’s pants is visually distracting. He oughta go back to the solid black look.
- Suicide dive from Punk. Jesus! You could mess yourself up doing that inside a cage like this. ZERO room for error.
- Tombstone already? Phew, no.
- No Chokeslam, either. Good for Punk.
- Chair! Hooray!
- OH NO! Last Ride.
- Kickout! Please!
- YES!
- Punk finally looks like he’s made of something. About time.
- Countered Old School with a roundhouse. Nice.
- Punk’s living the dream. I remember reading awhile back that he wanted to work with Taker. Ta da.
- Big Boot to chair. Chokeslam. Punk done.
- Oh no. Signaling for the Tombstone. Nonono.
- Game, set, match.
- :(
- Of course. Knew Taker had to win. Punk gets booked like a bitch.
- Seriously. Taker doesn’t need the GD title. I hate this.
- No World Title had changed hands in the Cell before? Didn’t know that.

Morrison v Ziggler
- I want a highflying spotfest. I know I’m not alone.
- This is kind of boring so far. I am disappoint.
- Ziggler has the ugliest ring attire in WWE. And possibly TNA, too.
- Breakdancing in the ring. Whee.
- Rest hold. One of these guys a smoker?
- Nice springboard crossbody.
- Starship Pain already?
- Ooooo. No dice. That’s dangerous.
- Morrison always gets countered into a powerslam in his matches. I think it’s one of HIS moves.
- Don’t taunt. Follow that shit up.
- Morrison is FRUSTRATE.
- Fireman’s carry. Most excellent. I love that move for some reason.
- ANOTHER ONE!
- Here we go. Now the pace quickens, and I get interested.
- “Morrison’s mojo begins to rise.” They know that’s FILTHY, right?
- Ref saw the rope grab. Good. No more dumbass refs.
- Missed the knee. Boo.
- Inverse stunner. I like it.
- I hate the catapult move. Like Foley (Jericho?) says, it’s the fakest looking move there is.
- GERMAN SUPLEX!
- FAMEASSER!
- OH SHIT! REVERSE SUPLEX OFF THE TOP. THAT WAS AWESOME.
- I wouldn’t have minded that as the finish. It was pretty badass.
- Held on to the ropes to avoid the Zig Zag.
- Running knee. Starship. GAME.
- Decent match. Not as good as it could have been. Picked up late.
- Gonna be a face dominated PPV. I can feel it.

Tista/Rey
- Time for an interview? Seriously?
- Hey, look y’all. Rey Rey’s back.
- See ya, Josh. Thanks for coming.
- Come back from suspension. Get a title shot. Natch.
- Oh. Welcome back, Josh.
- OMG TURTLES.
- We’re gonna show an ad for the game? This sucks.

James v Fox
- ZERO REACTION for Alicia Fox.
- Let’s hope this is quick. I love the Divas, but this isn’t a PPV match.
- Okay. Mickie’s fucking adorable. I’ll watch the shit outta her.
- “Don’t touch me?” Sweetie, this is WRESTLING.
- Go Mickie!
- Oh no! Mickie getting dropped off the top rope. Mickie’s the only one I legitimately worry about when she wrestles. Does that make her my favorite after all?
- Maybe it’s because she’s the only one who can sell.
- Nice tilt-a-whirl from Alicia. She does that well.
- What an audible wolf whistle. Is that really a compliment?
- Mickiecanrana!
- Mickie James can Lou Thesz Press me ANY day.
- Northern Lights. Alicia showing some skills here. I’ll give her the credit.
- Mickie!
- Alicia ate that either properly or REALLY wrong. Couldn’t tell.

JeriShow v Batista/Mysterio
- Promo from JeriShow? Please.
- Rey out last. Of course.
- Not as big a reaction as I would have expected.
- Gotta say, I like Rey, but didn’t really miss him.
- Big Show’s really starting to put on the weight. The purple really kinda draws the eye to it.
- Don’t mention the Eddie tribute video, guys. I will seriously tear up again.
- Y2J! Y2J! Y2J!
- It would be funny if they unmasked Rey here as a punishment.
- Springboard reverse DDT. Not bad.
- Audible boos for Batista. I like this crowd.
- What an enzugiri! Calm down, Punk.
- Batista’s ring skills have just deteriorated past nothing. It’s bad.
- He tagged Big Show. It’s ON.
- Rey says he’s got it. Batista should turn heel like right now.
- DAMN! Slap to the outside.
- HE PICKED HIM UP ONE HANDED OVER THE TOP ROPE. Good God.
- Why would you tag Jericho back in? Just keep dominating.
- Not a 619.
- Not today, Rey. Have a feeling he’ll hit it soon, though.
- Yank that mask off!
- Batista hot tag. He’s going to wreck house now.
- Yup.
- Spear. Uh oh.
- Shit.
- Spinebuster, and Big Show’s down.
- JERICHO KICKED OUT! JERICHO RULES!
- CODEBREAKER! PIN HIS ASS!
- Batista sucks at selling, too. He has no skills other than a pinch of charisma, and big muscles.
- Tag to Big Show. Excellent.
- Crowd popped for the Chokeslam.
- Oh boo, Rey. Crowd didn’t like it! Ha!
- I sense an oncoming Batista Bomb.
- Hot tag to Rey. I don’t like where this is headed.
- Which way did he go? Which way did he go?
- Nice Tornado DDT. Never seen Show sell that well before.
- NO! NOT A 619.
- They’re gonna lose those damn titles, aren’t they?
- Oh God. Oh God. Oh God.
- OH!
- KO PUNCH! SUCK IT!

Orton v Cena
- This is NOW? DX v Legacy main event? Boo.
- Wow. Big ol’ pop for Orton.
- Boos for Cena. Bizarro crowd.
- Let’s see badass Cena. Go in and wreck some faces.
- I miss Lilian.
- Very audible Cena sucks chant. That’s too bad.
- Orton wants out. DO IT.
- Crowd wants Orton to win, and I think he should. He’s better as champ than a contender.
- R-K-O! R-K-O!
- This crowd HATES Cena. They will be satisfied with nothing less than death.
- Or maybe just a title change. I suppose that might satiate them.
- Dueling chants. Cena only has the kids behind him tonight.
- Cena is eating all sorts of steel tonight.
- What is Orton doing with the stairs?
- You fucked up! You fucked up!
- What the hell is Orton setting up for? I’m curious, but know I’ll be disappointed.
- OH NO WAY!
- SPIKE DDT ONTO STAIRS?
- BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.
- First time that move gets blocked. Ay yi yi.
- Those stairs BARELY missed Orton. That woulda hurt, yo.
- Love Orton’s inverted backbreaker.
- Oh, here we go.
- This is why Cena gets the heat, but…
- YOU CAN’T SEE ME!
- Now we get a Spike DDT. Boom.
- Diddy Kong taunt time.
- RKO countered.
- HE KICKED OUT.
- ORTON KICKED OUT OF THE ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT! FINALLY!
- Electric chair! Lovely spot.
- Missed the top rope Fameasser. Getchoself some, Orton.
- We’ve got a chair in the ring, folks. Backfired on Punk earlier.
- Orton’s almost TOO methodical.
- OH SHIT. RIGHT ON HIS NECK. That’s fucked up!
- I like how Orton immediately checked on him.
- Uh oh. Cena’s about to hulk out.
- Oh, the STF. Game over, man, game over.
- Please get to the ropes, Randy.
- No rope breaks? Seriously? But there’s rope breaks in the Chamber…
- HOLD ON, ORTON.
- Oh, I see. Orton used the ropes. Cool.
- REF BUMP! REF BUMP!
- Go ahead and tap. The ref’s out. Nice.
- RKO! RKO!
- NO WAY!
- Aw, Cena kicked out.
- Gotta say, this has been one hell of a match.
- What a look on Orton’s face. He looks disturbed.
- Rope choke. Not even Cena can come back from that, right?
- Pin him! C’mon, man.
- PUNT!
- PUNT!
- ORTON WINS!
- Is Cena gonna cry?

R-Truth v McIntyre
- Oh, who fucking cares?
- Oh god. With the rapping.
- I hate R-Truth so much.
- Nice generic ass music, Drew.
- Seriously. No one cares about this match. Not even the two guys competing.
- Bo-ring chants already.
- Why is this on PPV in place of ECW? WHY?

Legacy
- Dissension in the ranks!

Triple threat
- Uh oh. He’s got a microphone!
- Ha! Newarks sucks.
- Classic heel promo.
- SWAGGER! Give it to him.
- It’s time for a new champ. Then again, we got two world title changes. So, yeah…
- Teamwork makes the dream work. Let’s go, guys.
- Miz turned on him. Shock of the century.
- Look at Miz go.
- Neckbreaker into reverse DDT. Miz has gotten real good in the ring. I’m impressed.
- Let’s Go Swagger chant. Excellent.
- 3 man spot! Huzzah!
- Death device!
- Push ups in the ring! HAHAHAHAHHA.
- Trouble in Paradise! Oh no!
- MIZ! MIZ!
- Swagger with the save! Hmmm.
- I want Swagger or Miz to win.
- GUTWRENCH!
- Shit.

DX v Legacy
- WHY IS THIS GOING ON LAST?
- This better go 20+. I don’t want it to, but it better.
- Crafty! I like it.
- Legacy attack DX during their entrance. A fight breaks out outside of the Cell.
- They didn’t technically leave the Cell, but this works for me. GET ON UP THERE.
- We can’t break tables anymore, either?
- Triple H doesn’t even need to take his shirt off to kick ass.
- Okay, if we’re not going to climb the cell, I have no use for you being outside of it. Climb that thing.
- Rhodes clocking kids with a chain like he’s the second coming of John Cena.
- This is no Cell match. Now it’s just stupid.
- Crossrhodes on the stage!
- Oh, Shawn’s knee. Yikes.
- The match isn’t even official yet, right?
- Ah, Triple H locked out of the Cell. I see.
- Triple H can’t job. Remember that.
- I still don’t see Legacy winning. We’re just supposed to think they can.
- How will Triple H get in the Cell? Brute strength? Lightsaber? The Turtles?
- Hi-Lo!
- The announcers are so grave. They’d be going nuts if the tables were turned. Stupid.
- Here comes Triple H. Will he make the save? Undoubtedly.
- Um, the Cell door kinda opened a little bit when Triple H pushed on it. Locked, eh?
- No Way In. A new PPV extravaganza.
- This just might be vintage Shawn Michaels.
- Okay, so Triple H is climbing the outside. What good would that do, exactly?
- SWEET CHIN MUSIC! Seriously? Winning a handicap match?
- Ah, Cody. Right.
- Chairshot to the back. Ouch.
- A chair on the padlock. Um, that shouldn’t work.
- We got to 10:45. That’s good.
- “What are you gonna do now? Huh?”
- Uh oh. Where’s Triple H going? Forklift? Bulldozer? Guns?
- Please be guns.
- Shawn’s back. Sigh.
- Crowd’s kinda bored. We’re all waiting for Triple H.
- “Aw, Ted. No one likes you!” - Some mouthy and honest kid the crowd
- What’s taking so long? No way Triple H just walked off.
- Going for the double submission again?
- Here he comes!
- Took him that long to find whatever the hell that thing is called? Bolt cutter or something?
- Triple H worked for like 5 minutes this whole match, but he’ll get the win. Fuck him.
- Spinebuster on the chair. And a Pedigree on the chair.
- Oh wait. Not yet.
- But, yeah. Thanks for coming, Legacy.
- Door’s still open. We ain’t done yet.
- Ted’s out with a chain shot. Bet they lock him outside.
- Oh, a Pedigree, too. Now he’s done.
- How predictable.
- Sorry, Cody.
- Oh, chair noose.
- Elbow drop!
- Ah, the sledgehammer. OF COURSE.

Orton v Cena was easily the high point of the night. Fuck Taker, fuck Triple H, and fuck not having ECW. 7/10

Pay-Per-View Preview: Hell in a Cell

http://www.wrestlingnewsarena.com/2009/10/cliffs-predictions-hell-in-a-cell/

The card:

* Hell in a Cell for the World Heavyweight Championship: The Undertaker vs CM Punk (c)

* Hell in a Cell for the WWE Championship: John Cena (c) vs Randy Orton

* Hell in a Cell: DX vs The Legacy

* Unified Tag Team Championship: JeriShow (c) vs Batista and Rey Mysterio

* Triple Threat match for the United States Championship: Kofi Kingston (c) vs The Miz vs Jack Swagger

* Intercontinental Championship: John Morrison (c) vs Dolph Ziggler

* Divas Championship: Mickie James (c) vs Alicia Fox

Predictions:

Taker v Punk: Well, I can’t say I can pick against Taker here. He’s got all of his moves in his arsenal, and Punk has nowhere to run. The way this has been booked, Punk looks like he has NO shot. That said, if Punk loses, I at least want them to make it look like he belongs in the ring with Taker. He hasn’t looked anywhere near the main event league against any opponent other than Jeff during his now 3 reigns as World champ. It’s a damn shame. I see Taker winning, but Punk better at least put up a fight this time. Undertaker wins.

Cena v Orton: It looks for all the world as if this feud is coming to a close with this match. For that to be the case, Cena has to go over here. I like Orton as a champion, but he can’t keep butting heads with Cena, both guys need to move on. Who will take Orton’s place in the main event scene? I have NO idea, and that makes me very afraid. Someone’s gotta step up eventually, right? Cena wins.

DX v Legacy: Does ANYONE actually believe Legacy has a shot here? Just checking. Heels don’t often come out on top in Cell matches (unless they are, of course, named Triple H), and I don’t see this event being any different. 3 Cell matches, 3 face victories. DX wins.

JeriShow v Batista/Mysterio: Hmmmm. Two mega faces both making their return to PPV, or the hottest heel duo going in WWE today? Logic would dictate that JeriShow should win by cheating to keep the feud going, and you have to have at least one heel victory on a show, right? I don’t think so. Batista has enough pull to make sure his return to PPV is successful. Dusty finish here. Batista/Mysterio win by DQ, JeriShow retains.

Triple threat: Just about the only match I actually look forward to seeing. This has quietly received a decent build up, and I think it’s time for a title change. Kofi’s  been excellent during his run, but it’s time to put a heel at the top of the midcard. The problem is, the winner of this match should actually get a bump and challenge Cena, but champ vs champ never works out well. See the corner WWE has written themselves into? Shameful. In any case, Miz has been working his ass off as of late, and deserves at least one singles title under his belt. Give it to him. Miz wins.

Morrison v Ziggler: This feud has been extremely one sided thus far, and they haven’t even wrestled one another in singles competition yet. I believe Ziggler was about to become IC champ before Rey Rey got suspended, and I have to wonder if Morrison was strictly a transitional champ. I hope not, he’s far too talented to be saddled like that. If Ziggler loses this, though, where does he go? Therein lies the problem. In order for both guys to get this feud moving, Ziggler needs to actually win for a change. Ziggler wins.

James v Fox: ECW is so low on the totem pole now that they were pushed off the card in favor of a Divas contest. Don’t get me wrong, I am a Mickie fan, and she is certainly one of the more over performers in the company, but I would rather have seen Christian and Regal or Christian and Ryder or even Christian v Ryder v Regal than Alicia Fox in any capacity. The crowd barely knows who Fox is, I’d say she has little hope of winning here. James wins.

There you have it. Again, my expectations aren’t exactly soaring. TV-PG will get in the way of any real violence within the Cell, and 3 matches in the Cell is overkill even if it was TV-MA. I expect to be thoroughly uninterested by the end of the night, but I’ve been very wrong before.

Anyone care to reblog with a prediction (or put em in answer form)?

The Wrestling Observer is reporting that the WWE creative team is not happy with how the Hell in a Cell PPV concept is fleshing out. Creative is reportedly not in favor of there being three Hell in a Cell matches at the PPV, and since blood is not allowed in any of the matches, officials are having a difficult time laying out how the matches will play out.

Additionally, it’s being said that the talent is not happy with the concept either, with certain veteran talents upset that there are too many cell matches on the show which will steal focus from one another.

At this point, WWE is toying with the idea of making the Triple Threat US Title match a Ladder Match, however that idea might be scrapped given the fact that they just had a TLC match on PPV and are going to hold a TLC themed PPV in December.

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Who thought it was a good idea? No blood in a Cell match? Pshaw. One Cell match a year is good enough, I can’t fathom sitting through three in one night.

In other news, PLEASE make that a ladder match! That would actually be something I’d want to see.