What’s on Tap for WWE Tonight
ECW 10PM EST Syfy
Announced for tonight:
* WrestleMania Recap: Shawn Michaels vs The Undertaker
Is it THAT hard to book ECW every week? I mean, they do the same matchups every week as it is. Sigh.
Weekly Raw Review: August 31, 2009
Whaddya mean ‘I’m ugly?’
Results:
* Lilian Garcia introduces tonight’s guest host, Dusty Rhodes. He’s glad to be in Detroit, a blue collar town where he was inducted into the Hall of Fame 2 years ago. He’s proud of his son, Cody. He hopes Cody stops following Randy Orton and Legacy around soon. Tonight, he’ll try to teach him a lesson. Tonight, it will be Cody Rhodes vs Randy Orton for the WWE Championship with Dusty in his son’s corner, and the special referee will be John Cena. Out comes the WWE Champion. Orton calls Dusty giving his son a title match pathetic and shameless, just an attempt to get in his son’s good graces. Orton threatens Dusty with a punt, and Cody Rhodes makes his way to the ring. Cody says he and Orton are associates and maybe friends, but he can’t pass up a shot at the title. He intends to become the youngest WWE Champion in history. Orton says it sounds like the fix is in, and Dusty agrees with him.
* A referee is backstage, explaining the rules of a battle royal to 6 assembled Divas.
* Tomorrow night on ECW, they will replay the Shawn Michaels vs Undertaker WrestleMania match.
* Beth Phoenix d. Gail Kim, Kelly Kelly, Rosa Mendes, Jillian, and Alicia Fox in a battle royal; Phoenix will face Mickie James for the Divas Championship later tonight
- Order of elimination: Rosa (by Beth), Alicia (by Gail), Kelly (by Beth), Jillian (by Gail), Gail (by Beth)
* Unified WWE Tag Team Champion Chris Jericho d. MVP by pinfall
- Jericho beats MVP with the Codebreaker.
* Dusty Rhodes is backstage. DX comes up. DX still has a problem with Legacy. Dusty promises a shot at Cody if he wins. Shawn and Triple H argue over who should get it. Dusty invites them to hang out and watch the new WCW DVD.
* Hornswoggle d. Chavo Guerrero in a Texas Bullrope match
- Hornswoggle wins with some assistance from Evan Bourne.
* Mark Henry d. Unified WWE Tag Team Champion Big Show by disqualification
- Big Show is DQ’d for exposing the turnbuckle, and ramming Henry into it.
- After the match, Show hits Henry with the KO Punch.
* Backstage, Ted DiBiase asks Cody if he’s ready. Cody says yes. Orton can’t believe that Cody’s going through with it.
* DX and Dusty are backstage, watching the WCW DVD. More specifically, they are watching the infamous Fingerpoke of Doom. DX asks how Dusty and WCW could have let that happen. They argue about the Monday Night Wars, seemingly blaming HBK for WWE’s hard times and then subsequent upswing once he was out hurt.
* Kofi Kingston d. The Miz, Jack Swagger, and Carlito in a fatal-4-way match to retain the United States Championship
- Kofi pins Carlito after hitting him with Trouble in Paradise.
* Mickie James d. Beth Phoenix by pinfall to retain the Divas Championship
- Mickie pins Beth after reversing a powerslam into a Tornado DDT.
* DX and Dusty are still backstage, shooting the breeze about WCW. Triple H complains that The Shockmaster is nowhere to be found on the WCW DVD. As they’re talking, THE SHOCKMASTER busts through the wall! Arn Anderson is revealed to be doing the voice, and Santino is revealed to be the man behind the costume.
* Josh Matthews is backstage with John Cena. Matthews asks about Cena’s role as referee tonight. Cena says tonight could be historic. A new champion? The collapse of Legacy? The end of Orton’s career? Cena says that he can’t choose a side, though, because it wouldn’t be the right thing to do. He then goes on to guarantee victory at Breaking Point because he will. Not. Quit.
* Randy Orton vs Cody Rhodes (with Dusty Rhodes) in a special referee match for the WWE Championship; John Cena was the special referee. The match never happens
- Before the match, Dusty says there’s nothing a father wouldn’t do for his son, and apologizes to Cena. Rhodes and Orton proceed to attack Cena, and DiBiase comes out to help. DX comes out to make the save. Dusty helps Legacy get the upperhand, though. Legacy leaves DX and Cena laid out.
- After the beating, Orton lays Dusty out with an RKO. Cody gets all pissed and upset.
My thoughts:
Opening
- Good ol’ Duthtay.
- Look at ‘im go. Never really had the moves, so he hasn’t lost them.
- Okay, get to the ring or a promo. Let’s go.
- “Jeff Hardy” sign. Tool.
- Cue Legacy. Right?
- Crowd not a Cody fan. Hot crowd tonight. Gotta love Detroit.
- Interesting. Does Cena want a challenge, or the title?
- Hurry it up, Orton. We haven’t got all night.
- Orton’s practically bald at this point. What gives?
- Orton’s a good heel. That “kick you in the skull” line never fails to get a pop.
- Hmm. What will happen here?
- “Here he comes, but who’s side is he on?”
- The crowd’s really liking this.
- Sounds like a stacked deck.
- They’re obviously not gonna pull the trigger on a title change, but maybe they should. It would be different, that’s for sure.
Diva Battle Royal
- Like they don’t know the rules. They only do battle royals like once a month with the Divas. Sheesh.
- Gail didn’t get her own entrance, but everyone else did? Why?
- Alicia’s theme SUCKS.
- ZERO reaction for Alicia, Jillian, and Rosa. Too bad.
- Kelly on offense? Really?
- Take that, Booker!
- Don’t eliminate Beth! No one wants to see Gail-Mickie II. Like, at all.
- Crowd’s kinda into it now.
- Another missed crossbody? That’s what messed Gail up the first time!
- This is getting more time than I expected.
- Um. Boo. Fucking awful hurricanrana attempt.
- Here comes the boos. Yikes.
- Ta da. Beth picked her spot. I like it.
Jericho v MVP
- What a fucking abrupt transition. No commercial? Really?
- Ah, a promo during the break I presume.
- MVP needs a new color. Never liked the red on him much.
- BRAWLIN’
- Crowd behind MVP. That’s good at least.
- Sloppy. Sloppy, sloppy, sloppy.
- No one taps to the Walls anymore.
- I hate that big boot spot. Avoided it once, but not twice? Lame.
- Another commercial break?
- Heel in control after the commercial break alert!
- That Lionsault would have missed even if MVP hadn’t rolled. He was out of position.
- Why not just hit the Codebreaker?
- Oh, thought MVP had it with the cradle.
- Ah, there it is.
Dusty and DX
- Triple H does a terrible Dusty impression.
- Triple H doesn’t need anymore. Shawn getting annoyed was awesome.
- DX plug! DX plug!
- Gets me everytime. Not sure why that’s funny.
- Heh, no one watches Raw.
- Fingerpoke of Doom!
- Good question.
- Low blow to Shawn! OH! Ooooof.
- Poor HBK.
- I bet that still stings a little bit.
- Marc Mero burial!
- Hey, he’s right! There was no Shockmaster anywhere. Too bad.
- HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!
- Oh, it’s Santino. Not as funny now.
- HA! ARN ANDERSON! THAT’S AWESOME!
Hornswoggle v Chavo
- Fuck this, I have no more thoughts to spare anymore on this stupid ass shit.
- He’s dressed as a cow. Fantastic. What a disgrace to the family heritage.
Henry v Show
- WEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLL…
- Women love Mark Henry? I doubt it.
- Henry was so much better in a black uni.
- Test of strength. This isn’t the 80s.
- So, the headbutt staggers you. And you do it again? Where’s the logic?
- Borrrrrring.
- I hate the battle of the bigs matches. They’re so damn slow.
- Spear!
- About as good an ending as you could have hoped for.
- You’re Henry, and you see the ref lecturing Show. Why would you charge? WHY? That makes NO sense.
Fatal 4way
- Pyro for Swagger! YES!
- Decent heel heat for The Miz. Alright.
- Kofi’s reaction has been dwindling in recent weeks. It’s time to change.
- I am pulling for Swagger, but my money is on The Miz. They’ve been pushing him.
- I, however, feel it’s a bit early to pull the trigger on Miz. No need to hotshot him just yet.
- The series of spots leading to Kofi’s dive was very well done.
- Kofi BARELY cleared the rope there. Impressive.
- Heel in control after the commercial break alert! Somehow…
- Single leg crab?
- I am enjoying the quick pace of this contest.
- Oh, what could be on Raw. If we see more like this, there may be hope after all.
- Carlito kinda had Swagger pinned there. Gotta count that, ref.
- GUTWRENCH!
- Dammit.
- Here we go. This is it!
- Oh, wow.
- Oh no…
- AGAIN? REALLY?
- Hmmm. I don’t know about Kofi retaining there.
Mickie v Beth
- I sincerely doubt a title change is happening here, but what do I know. I have heard officials were pissed at Mickie. Perhaps they’ll punish her.
- Beth was wearing something different before. She really changed outfits? Why?
- No Diva gets a reaction like Mickie. None of them.
- I wouldn’t mind letting Beth dominate the division again. I don’t see why not.
- Dropped Mickie on her head, I think. Not good.
- Damn, cheek into the post. Yikes.
- Beth has looked downright violent in this match.
- Mickie is seriously taking a beating.
- What a kick to the face! Holy crap!
- Out of nowhere. That’s it, then.
- That looked like a knockout DDT. Beth sold that shit like a champ.
- My only problem with that was that Mickie literally only got one move in the whole match, and won with it.
Cena interview
- Twitter reference!
- Ick. What a “good guy” move.
- Where did this anger come from? Nonsensical.
- No way does Cena “quit” by the way.
- Matthews looked horrified.
Main event segment
- This is going to be super short.
- One move wonder?
- I mean, they alluded to the Fingerpoke of Doom. Will Rhodes lie down here?
- Seriously. It’s 11, and Rhodes isn’t even in the ring yet. Uh oh.
- Cena going to skip the whole “ref duds” thing. Alright.
- Wow. I didn’t see THAT coming. Gonna be honest.
- Can’t believe the Dusty swerve. I don’t get caught off guard that often, but it happened there.
- Dusty APPROVES of Legacy? That REALLY doesn’t make any sense.
- Gonna cry, Cody? Gonna cry?
- The crowd’s chanting for Cody. Wow.
Well, the swerve was an unexpected surprise, although not totally pleasant. Can’t believe Chavo v Hornswoggle is still happening. What will stop the madness? The US division and JeriShow is all Raw has going for it right now. 5/10
Can’t believe the Dusty swerve. I don’t get caught off guard that often, but it happened tonight. Not saying that’s a good thing, though.
The Punk vs Undertaker graphic just doesn’t look right.
ARN ANDERSON ALERT!
Kofi retaining was a bad move in my opinion. I would have pulled the trigger on Swagger right there. Then again, maybe you have Kofi become the new midcard hero a la RVD with the TV title in ECW way back in the day.
Pyro for Swagger! I approve.
Time for a new US Champ. Kofi can only pull the whole “I can’t believe he beat all those guys!” routine so many times. He’s not Cena. This would make 2 fatal 4 ways and one 6-pack challenge match that he’s won if he retains tonight. It’s too much.
Vince oughta just take a dump on Eddie’s grave at this point. What a disgrace to the family name they’ve made Chavo become. I have no idea why he hasn’t quit.
FUCK FUCK FUCKING FUCK. GOD FUCKING DAMMIT. WHY? WHY? WHY DO THEY KEEP DOING THIS SHIT EVERY WEEK? Fuck you, WWE. I am THIS CLOSE to not recapping Raw anymore.
I swear if it’s Chavo vs Hornswoggle again…
Tomorrow night on ECW, they will replay the Shawn Michaels vs Undertaker WrestleMania match.
This just in: They have GIVEN UP on ECW. Wow.
