Weekly Raw Review: February 8, 2010

* Tonight’s guest host, NASCAR driver Carl Edwards is in his stock car, doing some stunts or something. When the car pulls in, Hornswoggle pops out of the driver’s side window. Kelly Kelly introduces Carl Edwards. He gets a Saints pop, and plugs the upcoming Daytona 500. He mentions his buddy, John Cena. Out comes WWE Champion Sheamus. He says he plans on heading into WrestleMania as champion, and demands Edwards make him the last entrant in the Elimination Chamber. Out comes ECW Champion Christian. He mentions no one is taking ECW seriously. In fact, it’s being replaced by NXT. Sheamus tries to put him down, but Christian fires right back. He announces that, in 2 weeks, everyone on ECW becomes a free agent. Christian says he’d like to test it out on Raw right now, and wants a match with Sheamus. Edwards makes it official.
Quick take: So, we open with Hornswoggle, Kelly, and the Bellas. It’s like a checklist of the things people hate about Raw. Nice, cheap Saints pop. WHO DAT? I have to say I mega popped for Christian. He is too good. I love the ECW free agency angle. A lot.

* WWE Champion Sheamus d. ECW Champion Christian by pinfall in a non-title match
- Sheamus pins Christian after a Celtic Cross.
Quick take: So we have Edge AND Christian picking on Sheamus. How can you not get a little excited about that? Not a bad match, in my opinion. Sheamus is starting to put the pieces together, and Christian is instant entertainment for me. I liked the in-ring action. I didn’t think Christian would win the match. It makes more sense to push the WWE Champion. Didn’t make it any less annoying. Oh well.

* Triple H is backstage, watching on a monitor. Shawn Michaels comes up, and says he knows he’s been distracted lately. He mentions DX has never been to WrestleMania, and thinks this could be the year. Hunter says he’d rather win the title in the Chamber. HBK doesn’t like that.
Quick take: Turn HBK heel immediately. Psycho heels are always awesome. Except Mike Knox.

* Footage of a post-Raw altercation between John Cena and Batista airs
Quick take: The sappy music killed it.

* Ted DiBiase and Cody Rhodes are backstage. Cody seems perturbed that Ted qualified for the Chamber. Ted says it’s now obvious that he’s better than Cody. Up comes Randy Orton. Orton wonders if Ted thinks he’s better than him, too. He says that tonight, Ted will face John Cena in a match, and then goes off on Cody again. He then says he’ll be facing Cody tonight.
Quick take: Cody just can’t catch a break, can he? I like the escalating tension within Legacy. This is way better than just disbanding right away.

* United States Champion The Miz and Big Show d. CM Punk and Luke Gallows (with Serena) and D-Generation X in a triple threat elimination tag match to become the NEW WWE Unified Tag Team Champions
- Before the match, Punk cuts a heel promo on the crowd. As you know, everyone besides him drinks, smokes, and does drugs. He asks if Jared the Subway Guy would like to serve as his Minister of Propaganda. Before he can really argue his case, DX comes out.
- First elimination: HBK pins Punk after Sweet Chin Music.
- Second elimination: Miz rolls up HBK from behind as he is arguing with Triple H.
Quick take: Punk’s opening was solid, as is the usual. The Jared bit was pretty funny. Why is Jared there? I wonder why this was switched to elimination today. I don’t mind a stip like this as it just creates more guesswork for me, which I am all for. The workrate wasn’t incredible, but there were enough guys that I cared about in there to make up for it. Then, Punk got eliminated, and I no longer cared. Jericho carried Show, but barely. No one else can. Miz isn’t there yet. Miz and Show winning leaves me scratching my head. I understand DX losing, but making Miz and Show the champs over the Straightedge Society? I don’t get it.

* Josh Matthews is backstage with the new tag champions. Show says he and Miz did what he and Jericho didn’t, and beat DX. Miz says they’ll get all the good, because they’re the Show Miz, and they’re awesome.
Quick take: Show Miz? SHOW MIZ? Oh, shut up.

* Michaels is backstage, looking for Teddy Long. He demands a trade to SmackDown. He wants a spot in the SmackDown Elimination Chamber, and will then get a rematch at WrestleMania. Long declines. Triple H comes up to put a stop to it. HBK announces his career is over, and hits T. Lo with Sweet Chin Music.
Quick take: Carlito watching in the background was amusing. I like that DX is pretty much down, and was worried when HBK said his career was over. Don’t toy with me.

* Gail Kim d. Jillian by pinfall
- Maryse joined Cole and Lawler on commentary.
- Kim pins Jillian with a pull back boot after about 45 seconds.
- After the match, Maryse grabs a mic to congratulate Gail and says she wants to have a good match. She begins to talk in French.
Quick take: Maryse actually opened with a decent burn. Good for her. No entrances for the Divas on TV. This division fails. Maryse spent the whole segment talking smack about the SmackDown Divas. Granted, the segment was 20 seconds, but I guess it set the stage for Raw v SD Divas at Mania. I don’t usually shout, “Speak English!” but I wonder what Maryse said.

* “The Million Dollar Man” Ted DiBiase is revealed as a Hall of Fame inductee
Quick take: <Million Dollar Man laugh> Awesome.

* Carl Edwards and Jared are backstage. Santino Marella comes in, and a Subway advertisement happens. Marella wants a match against Jack Swagger. Edwards grants it for Superstars this week. In comes Kofi Kingston. He’d like a match next week, and proposes all 6 participants in the Chamber be involved in singles action next week. We then pimp next week’s host, Jerry Springer.
Quick take: Guess who’s dying inside? Me. This kid right here.

* Cody Rhodes d. Randy Orton by pinfall
- Sheamus comes out, and distracts Orton. This allows Cody to hit Crossroads on Orton to pick up a win.
- After the match, Sheamus hits Orton with a running boot. He tries to do more, but Cody scares him off with a chair.
Quick take: I was looking forward to this. I hoped it wouldn’t be totally one sided. I marked when Cody slapped Orton back. I can’t lie. Am I morphing into a Cody supporter? The crowd obviously supports Orton now. Kinda neat. Then, Cody won. And I was like WHOA. This Legacy fracture is absolutely fascinating.

* Josh Matthews is backstage with Carl Edwards. He has an announcement. Next week on Raw, we will see WWE Champion Sheamus vs Randy Orton, Ted DiBiase vs Kofi Kingston, and John Cena vs Triple H.
Quick take: 3 semi must see matches. Pretty cool.

* Ted DiBiase vs John Cena ends in a contest
- Cena comes out, throws Ted around, and straps on the STF outside of the ring. The ref stops the match before it even gets started.
Quick take: John Cena came out with his “game face.” Didn’t need to take his shirt off to kick Ted’s ass. I don’t know about all this misplaced aggression. Ted tapped on the outside. That’s nice. He is totally a worthy opponent.

* Cena gets on the mic. He’s not here to have a match, he wants to fight Batista. He doesn’t even care about an explanation. No one responds to his challenge as we cut to commercial. We come back, and Cena is still talking smack to Batista. He switches gears, and begins going after Vince McMahon. He thinks Batista and Vince are connected. He calls out Vince. Out comes The Chairman, flanked by security. Cena says he wants Vince to come in the ring alone, or send in his security to get their asses kicked. Vince elects to enter the ring. McMahon admits to masterminding the Batista attack on Bret, but says he had nothing to do with the attack on Cena. Cena goes off on Vince, saying all he cares about is money. Cena, on the other hand, does it for the fans and the moment. Cena claims that Hart said he’d like to wrestle another match, and he wants it at WrestleMania. He wants to wrestle Vince McMahon. Cena leaves the ball in Vince’s court, and exits the ring. Vince accepts the challenge, I think. Cena leaves, saying Vince has one person left to tell. Vince says Bret doesn’t want to be embarrassed again, and we get another video package. As we come back, Vince is talking shit, but Bret Hart is in the ring. He hits Vince, but security bails him out. Bret beats up on security. Vince has now changed his mind, and will not face Bret at Mania after all. Bret takes it out on the equipment. He gets back in the ring. No mic work, though.
Quick take: Um, we cut to commercial? Really? I don’t get the pacing of this at all. Why throw Ted under the bus like that? This is an interesting Road to WrestleMania. I like this a lot. Can Vince and Bret get them to cheer Cena? We’ll see. I don’t think this was Cena’s best promo work, to be honest. He’s good when he’s serious, but when he appeals to the fans, I lose him somewhat. Bret v Vince at Mania, eh? I bet Cena and Batista get added to the mix. Then, Vince changed his mind, and I am confused.

Once you realize Raw really isn’t about the wrestling, it gets much easier to watch. This week was a roller coaster. We started strong, kept some momentum, lost a lot with Big Show and the Divas, got it back with Orton/Cody, dropped when Ted got buried, picked up with Bret, and then kinda sorta fell flat at the end. I don’t know how to feel.

Bottom line: 6/10