Weekly SmackDown Review: October 23, 2009

Punk experiences the rancid stank of undead taint

* Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler are calling the show because both JR and Todd Grisham are out for various reasons.
Quick take: Get well soon, JR, and enjoy the honeymoon, Todd. COME BACK SOON. I can’t deal with these two this many times a week.

* WWE Unified Tag Team Champion Chris Jericho makes his way to the ring. He will cement his legendary status this Sunday, as the mastermind who led SmackDown to victory over Raw. In order to do that, he needs tweak his team, tune it up. He needs to make sure they’re worthy. JTG interrupts him. Shad’s sick, and isn’t at the show tonight. Jericho’s mad he has to be on the same team as Cryme Tyme. Vickie Guerrero comes out. She introduces the future of SmackDown, Eric Escobar. Escobar says that we may not know who he is now, but after he leads the team to victory, no one will wonder ever again. Out comes Dolph Ziggler. He says that he’s gonna be the one responsible for a team victory, and won’t let anyone screw it up for him. JTG reminds him that he’s lost 4 straight IC title matches, and broke up with Maria. Cue Drew McIntyre. He says that there’s no way they can lose at Bragging Rights with him on the team. He should have been named captain in the first place. Out comes the co-captain of the team, Kane. As far as he’s concerned, none of them are worthy to be fighting alongside him. Jericho chimes in in support of Kane. Kane announces a match for the other members of the team. It will be a 4-on-5 match, and if they lose, they’ll be replaced by the members of the winning team. That match is next.
Quick take: Decent, if predictable, segment. This really proved that NO ONE cared about the SD team as it was. Aside from Ziggler and the co-captains, no one else has done a damn thing.

* Matt Hardy, R-Truth, Finlay, and The Hart Dynasty (with Natalya) d. Drew McIntyre, Dolph Ziggler, JTG, and Eric Escobar (with Vickie Guerrero) by pinfall; as a result, Hardy, Truth, Finlay, Kidd, and Smith will be on Team SmackDown at Bragging Rights
- Kidd and JTG start the match off for their teams. JTG starts up on offense, and Kidd quickly tags in Finlay. Finlay begins working over JTG, who tags in Ziggler. McIntyre gets in a cheap shot on Finlay, and Ziggler goes to work. Ziggler misses a corner splash, giving Finlay a chance to come back. Escobar gets in, and wears Finlay down. The entire team goes to work on Finlay. Finlay gets a hot tag in to Hardy. He quickly gets an advantage over Ziggler. JTG tags himself in, but Smith breaks up a pin attempt as things begin to break down. Everyone goes flying out of the ring except for the two legal men. Finlay takes JTG out with a shillelagh, and Hardy finishes him off with a Twist of Fate.
Quick take: This is what had to happen, and I’m glad it did. This way, the crowd can decide for themselves which show to cheer for, and both teams seem pretty evenly matched. The end of this match led to the most awkward group hug I think I’ve ever seen. No one wanted to cross the line with Natalya.

* CM Punk is backstage, talking to referee Scott Armstrong. Armstrong wants no part of this business with The Undertaker. Teddy Long is there, too. Long reminds everyone that he’s still on probation, and says he’s also scared of Taker. Armstrong says he’s not gonna do it. In comes Mr. McMahon. McMahon says they need to talk.

* Intercontinental Champion John Morrison d. Mike Knox by pinfall in a non-title match
- Morrison gains an early advantage with his speed, but Knox overpowers him with a cross body and some power moves. Morrison mounts a comeback, but can’t keep Knox down for a 3 count. Morrison runs into a huge big boot, stalling his momentum. He avoids a Knox charge, and caps the match off with a Starship Pain.
- After the match, Morrison cuts a promo on The Miz.
Quick take: Knox is the new monster jobber. He doesn’t do a thing for me. Morrison deserves better than this, but at least he built some momentum.

* Team SmackDown is backstage, congratulating each other. Kane and Jericho expect everyone to fall in line. Truth says they respect him, and Finlay and Natalya reiterate that they’re all in this together. Hardy and company want nothing more than to embarrass Raw.
Quick take: Oh, you rascally bunch of misfits. Should be interesting.

* Mickie James is chatting with Mae Young. Women’s Champion Michelle McCool comes in. McCool mocks Mickie for not being on the SmackDown Divas team. Mickie says Michelle is just scared that she’d get shown up, and that Mickie is taking her title eventually. Beth Phoenix comes up, and compliments Mae. She’s happy to be on the SmackDown team, but says she’s gunning for the title, too. Michelle tells Mae to shut up, and Mae slaps her across the face.
Quick take: Good to see Mae is taking care of herself. Glad someone owned McCool. Beth looked super pretty, and I was sad that she was only on the show for 2 seconds for the 2nd week in a row.

* Batista and Rey Mysterio are backstage, having a playful argument over their match last week. Rey plugs Batista’s new DVD. Both guys say they’re gonna win the title come Sunday, but tonight, they’ll put Jericho and Kane down.
Quick take: Cheap plug! Someone call DX, that’s gimmick infringement.

* Batista and Rey Mysterio d. Kane and WWE Unified Tag Team Champion Chris Jericho by pinfall
- Batista overpowers Jericho in the opening moments of the match. Rey continues with the offense. Kane breaks up a 619 attempt, tossing Rey to the outside. Kane gets into the match, and works over Rey’s back. Jericho keeps the momentum going until Rey counters him into a bulldog. He can’t tag in Batista as Kane prevents it. Kane and Jericho continue to punish Rey. Rey battles back, and makes the hot tag to Batista who comes in on fire. He sets Kane up for a Batista Bomb, but Jericho interrupts. Kane Chokeslams Rey, but falls victim to a Batista spear. It’s enough to pick up the win.
Quick take: Another fun little tag match, and the crowd was really rocking. Tista and Rey are both so over regardless of what the so-called smart fans think. Oh well. If you thought Kane had any chance of being anything more than a job guy, this match proved otherwise.

* Punk, Long, and McMahon are backstage still talking to Armstrong. McMahon seems to be in full support of Punk becoming champion once again. Tonight is the true beginning of the Road to WrestleMania. McMahon informs Armstrong that his father, “Bullet” Bob Armstrong, is a real candidate for entry into the Hall of Fame this coming year if he plays his cards right.
Quick take: Both Punk segments ran a tad long, but that didn’t mean they weren’t rather enjoyable. It pleases me to think Punk’s in with the boss. Imagine a long run for him as heel champ. YES YES YES. His face at the opening of the 2nd segment was priceless, by the way.

* Mickie James d. Layla by pinfall
- Mickie gains an early advantage on offense, but Layla comes right back. Layla takes too much time taunting, and Mickie makes the most of the opening, storming back on offense. Layla walks right into a roundhouse kick, and it’s enough for Mickie to put her away.
Quick take: It’s safe to say that Mickie got the message, and has re-applied herself. That’s the best she’s looked in the ring in awhile. AND BOTH GIRLS LOOKED FREAKING AMAZINGLY HOT. I’m still sweating.

* The Undertaker d. CM Punk (with Theodore Long) in a Submissions match to retain the World Heavyweight Championship
- Before the match, Punk cuts a promo. He feels empowered by the fact that he could embarrass and humiliate all the fans in the arena, and watching at home. After all, he’s better than everyone because he’s straightedge. He’s about to make Taker tap out for the second time. Taker can’t, and won’t, beat him tonight. There’s nothing any of the fans can do about it.
- Taker knocks Punk flat with a right hook to open the match. He works Punk over in the corners, wearing him down with straight punches. He wrenches Punk’s arm. Punk comes back quickly, but can’t hook the Anaconda Vise. Taker dumps Punk out of the ring, and pummels him on the outside. Taker misses a running boot, and this gives Punk a chance to mount a little bit of offense. They get back in the ring, and Taker begins to dominate once again. Taker goes for Old School, but is distracted (perhaps unintentionally) by Long on the outside. Punk reverses, and gets in some more offense. He calls for Long to hand him a chair. Long instead hands the chair to Armstrong. Punk grabs it, but runs into a big boot. Taker chokeslams Armstrong. He moves for Long, who runs away. Punk hits Taker with the chair a few times. He tells Long to get another referee while Punk straps the Vise on Taker. Referee Mike Chioda comes in as Taker reverses into Hell’s Gate. Punk taps immediately to end the match.
Quick take: Punk tapped far too early, and looked like a little bitch once again. Sigh. Don’t tease me with McMahon segments if he’s not gonna get it done. BOO.

Bottom line: 6.75/10